1. I always wanted to have someone, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am.... - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go.... - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
6. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.... - Did you ever find out who the father was?
7. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket... - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .
8. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday... - So we're having you put to sleep.
9. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder..... - What the hell was I thinking
10. I'm so miserable without you... - It's almost like you're still here.
11. Thank you for being part of my life..... - I never knew what evil was until I met you!
12. Congratulations on your wedding day! - Too bad no one likes your husband.
13. How can I say this.... - Your cooking kills me
14. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened... - Especially since you survived.
15. Congrats on getting married... - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.