I also enjoyed this entry. It is not so easy to translate properly! About the ass as an animal, I had to look it up in the dictionary before I re-wrote the sentence! 

I wrote the expression "all the locations" I said "any place" and I am not sure if they are similar or not. 

I think Mumtaz was really accurate in her answers, specially the last one (in the zoo) I thought that one was difficult. At least here it is forbidden to feed animals and there are no guards to do that either, with people's food. 

Great at way to learn English!

Yes, I enjoyed them very much Richard, and I'm really surprised about the "Donkey rides"! Never knew that a donkey is also called an ass! O_o Thank you for all the explanations :')

Thank you for the good laugh Richard :)) 

DENTIST OFFICE: <em>Poor Methodists! They were left without teeth ;)</em>
- Tooth extraction using the latest methods.

TOURIST AGENCY: <em>I guess pregnant women have nothing to worry about ;D</em>
- Take one of our horse-driven city tours, It's safe and we guarantee that you are not going to fall.

DONKEY RIDES: <em>There must be another kind of rides where you sit on your head as well :')</em>
- Would you like to ride a donkey?

AIRLINE OFFICE: <em>This one made me laugh out loud :P My bags will travel around the world with this airline;)</em> 

We take your bags and deliver them safely to your destination on time.

COCKTAIL LOUNGE: <em>I</em><em>t's really safer for a woman to deliver her baby in a hospital O_o</em>
- Ladies are requested not to bring children with them to the bar.

ZOO: <em>The guard must be overweight (,")</em>
- Please do not feed animals. If you have any suitable food, keep it with the guard on duty and he'll feed animals when needed.

AIRLINE OFFICE
- We take your bags and send them in all directions.
- in English, the expression 'in all directions' means 'everywhere / N/E/S/W'. This expression suggests that one piece of baggage may go east and another piece of baggage may go west, etc.
So, to be very accurate/correct, they should have written "We take your bags and send them to all the locations to which we fly."

COCKTAIL LOUNGE
- Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
- 'Having a child' means 'giving birth to a child'. This cannot be what the original writer intended to say. So, they should have written "Ladies are requested (or asked) not to bring children into the bar."

ZOO
- Please do not feed animals. If you have any suitable food, please give it to the guard on duty.
- Please do not feed THE animals. If you have any suitable food (i.e., food suitable for the animals to eat), please give it to the guard and the guard will feed the animals. [People should not feed some animals because the animals could bite the person's hands or even pull the person into the animals cage.]

Hope you've enjoyed these funny translations...

Laura and Mumtaz ... You have both done well at interpreting the intended meanings of these sentences. My guesses (and they can only be guesses) are below in blue text.

******************************

DENTIST OFFICE

- Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
- 'Mehtodists' is the name of a religious group. So, the writer must have meant to say "methods"

TOURIST AGENCY

- Take one of our horse-driven city tours, we guarantee no miscarriages.
- One meaning of 'miscarriage' is the loss of a fetus (pregnancy is accidently/unintentionally ended), but the writer is talking about the condition of the carriages that the tourists sit in.

- ... we guarantee that our carriages are in good condition.

DONKEY RIDES

- Would you like to ride on your own ass?
- A donkey is also called an 'ass', but ass also means a persons bottom, so the sentence should say "... ride on your own donkey".