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Is this translated correctly? (2)

The original:

А. П. Платонов - Неизвестный цветок

А  однажды упало из ветра одно семечко,  и  приютилось оно в ямке меж
камнем и  глиной.  Долго томилось это семечко,  а  потом напиталось росой,
распалось,  выпустило из себя тонкие волоски корешка, впилось ими в камень и в глину и стало расти.

A translation:

A. P. Platonov - The unknown flower

Once upon a time one seed was thrown out from the wind, and it took shelter in the hole between a stone and a clay. For a long time it was pining for a drink, but after that it filled of dew. At last, it fell to pieces, set thin hair of the rootlet free, stuck of them into a stone and a clay and was growing up.




Your translation is not exactly incorrect, it's just awkward English. This may sound better:

Once the wind dropped one seed and it found a shelter in a hole between a stone and clay. For a long time it was pining for a drink and then filled up with dew, fell to pieces, put out thin little roots, thrust them into the stone and clay and started to grow.

Miss Smith,

Thank you very much)

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