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A Fortuitous Example.

Again this example comes from Jinglian,

 

Jinglianhttp://www.italki.com/notebook/entry/196327.htm#ST

 

Her original post was a note entry requesting for correction.  What she wrote and how the format looked like, I made the mistake in assuming that she was writing a poem about her likes.  See the following link for the original post.  http://www.italki.com/notebook/entry/196327.htm

 

Included below is for your easy reference.  She wrote,

 

The Most Beautiful Things in Your Feeling 

All the people around you agree with you.
Smile to wake up from the dream.
Look at each other with a beautiful stranger in the street.
The right things are on sale.
Hear your favorite song by chance.
Find a hundred yuan in the coat you wore last winter.
Hear someone praise you by chance.
Find that there are still several hours left to sleep when you wake up.
 
To me the above looks like a poem to me and so I corrected it as such:

 

Your Most Beautiful Feelings

When surrounding people nod their heads at you.
Or similing as you wake from a dream.
Have a look at that beautiful stranger on the street.
How about things you wanted are on sale?
Perchance, you hear your favorite song.
And find a hundred yuan note in the coat you wore last winter. 
On hearing a praise for you?

Or to find that there are still more sleeping hours remain when you arise.

 

Then she wrote back to say that those are independent sentences along with the original Chinese!  What a big difference.  As you can see below, writing is totally different in different situations.  I hope that you guys can learn the differences.  I thank Jinglian for this opportunity.

 

My comments

Literal translation

Figurative/polished version

Your original

 

你感觉最美的事情

The Most Beautiful Things In Your Feeling

Things you felt are the most beautiful.

The most beautiful things in your mind.


1. 所有的人都觉得你说的对.
All the people around you agree with you.
All people felt what you said was correct.

Everyone thinks what you said was correct.

 

2. 从梦中笑醒。

Smile to wake up from the dream.  這有美夢發後, 醒時滿臉笑容的含意 . Similing as you wake from a dream.

From dream inside smiling upon wakening.

Awakened by smiles in your dream.
 
3. 和一个漂亮的路人对视
Look at each other with a beautiful stranger in the street.

With a pretty looking pedestrian looking at each other.

Exchanging glances with a good-looking passerby on the street.

Exchanging glances with a good-looking pedestrian.


4.发现心仪的东西半价出售。
The right things are on sale.

Discovering your favourite things at half price sale.

Discovering your favourites on sale at half price.

 

5. 偶然听到最喜欢的歌。
Hear your favorite song by chance.

Accidentally/”By chance” you hear your favourite song.

Fortuitously, your favourite song was heard.

 

6.在去年冬天的外套里找到100元钱。

Find a hundred yuan in the coat you wore last winter.
In last winter’s coat you found 100 yuan.

Finding a hundred yuan note in the coat you wore last winter. I like your version better with English grammar fixed.


7.偶然听到别人夸自己。
Hear someone praise you by chance.

By chance, you heard someone praising you.


8.醒来发现还能睡几个小时。

Find that there are still several hours left to sleep when you wake up.

Upon wakening, you found that you can sleep for a few hours more.

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Comments

beautiful and simple. what a nice feelings. thanks for your dumping.

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