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苏幕遮

苏幕遮
            夜清寒,檐注雨,正是霜降,雏凤潇烟黯。苍狗连天星难觅,阴郁茫茫,茕茕孑立。
    锦少年,走长安,物是人非,相邀入梦语,九百日夜念涪城,三年不舍,一朝惊梦醒。

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好像没人看的懂…

。。。貌似知道了

这是你自己写的么?

你自己寫的嗎?

范仲淹也有寫過<<蘇幕遮>>

不過你好像有些平仄沒對仗(?)

還有"茕茕孑立"應為五字。

范仲淹 蘇幕遮

碧雲天, 黃葉地,秋色連波,波上寒煙翠
山映斜陽天接水,芳草無情,更在斜陽外。
黯鄉魂,追旅思,夜夜除非, 好夢留人睡。
明月樓高休獨倚, 酒入愁腸, 化作相思淚。


詞牌格式 :

仄平平,平仄仄,中仄平平、中仄平平仄。中仄平平平仄仄,中仄平平、中仄平平仄。

,中、中。中,中、中



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