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腊梅 The Wintersweet

白雪纷飞何时了  When will the snow  stop?
红梅点点随风笑  Wintersweets are smiling in the wind.
银装素裹独自开  They are blooming in the white world.
暗香悄把春来报  Secret fragrance said softly quietly that the spring will be coming.

 

Since I can edit your entry,  It is better for me to comment here to get around the length restriction.

 

Your version is so much more upbeat and more optimistic than mine!

 

白雪纷飞何时了  When will the snow  stop? Excellent!
红梅点点随风笑  Wintersweets Red plum blossoms are smiling in the wind.
银装素裹独自开  They are Blooming in the a white world of white, [This sounds more poetic in English]
暗香悄把春来报  Their secret fragrance said softly quietly whispering that the spring will is be coming.

 

Excellent in translation in getthing through the meaning of the poem into English.  However, this way does not help those trying to learn either language.  Compare this style to one that does,

 

White snowflakes fluttering... When will they end?

Red plum blossoms dotting... Smiling with the wind.

Blooming by themselves in a blanket of white,

Faint fragrance quietly reporting the coming of spring.

 

This sort of translation preserve the original structure.  For example, White snowflakes flying vs red plum flowers blooming.  "When will they end?" with "smiling with the wind".

 

Both methods have their pros and cons. - Jeff

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Comments

Your poem is so full of passion and hope.  I really like it.

谢谢

你的英文诗读起来很活泼,我很喜欢whispering, fluttering 这些词,我居住的地方没有“雪中红梅”的美丽景观,只有雪:), 另外我写的是打油诗,离好的律诗还有距离。我的灵感来自下面这首词:

风雨送春归,飞雪迎春到,已是悬崖百丈冰,犹有花枝俏;

俏也不争春,只把春来报,待到山花烂漫时,她在丛中笑。

Thank you but the words come from the translation not my me :(  This is why you are in this group.  You have the soul of a poet.  This is the place where you can freely express your poetic thoughts with encumberance.  A safe haven for all who wish to share and participate in this small literary corner.

你好 Jeff 我想问两个问题

 

1 Spring is be coming.  这是什么语法时态

 

2 Blooming alone in a world of white.这句话我翻译得对吗?

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