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Qustion: the differences between Chinese and western cultures

My ex-boyfriend was an Australian, and I really got piss off with his opened-mind to 'sex'. Generally, Chinese believes that lovers should loyal to the 'love' between them, but he seems doesn't think it matters. He told me he had crushed on somebody when we were apart temporaraly, and when I asked him if he would bed with her, he said 'if it happens, then it happens'. I was angry and raised the possibility to break up, but he claimed that I was a 'Europen-centurial prig' (two hundred ago?). He thought I was too conservative, but I thought he didn't cherish me and our love.

 

If it is a cultural matter, can I ask you western people questions?

  To boy-don't you really think if you bed with someone else won't hurt your girlfrien?

  To girl-don't you mind if your boyfriend flirt with others (but it's maybe just a friendly conversation), and even want to bed with her?

Thank you for your answer!

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I am a Filipino.

Most of the Asians are like that like your attitude when it comes to love.

The Western Culture would probably be the other way around.

SEX in west is something like "if it happens, then so be it."

while in East, SEX is something so sacred.

 

He is self-serving - his words are designed to permit him whatever he wants and deny what you want.  Chinese men are no different, but may speak less openly of what they really want.  Behind their protests of faithfulness so often is a wish for playing the field.  And just think, women are the same - when a man has sex with a woman a woman has sex with a man; when a man is unfaithful, there is a woman taking part in it and being unfaithful too.

for western people having casual sex is ok as long as they are not commited. But I don't think even they think its ok to have sex with others while they are commited to someone. That's frowned upon everywhere in the world.east or west... 

You are right, if we put this question just in culture view, it maybe too narrow. I still want to know more about western people's thinking.

 

I think that's not a cultural issue. It was just because your "ex" was not that into you or were not that serious about you. Nobody would say such a thing if they are crazy in love with someone, you know? In addition, there are some people who prefer open relationships esp. during the early stage of a relationship aka the the trial period. You needed to make sure you two were on the same page as individuals and make sure it was possible to exclusively commited to each other.

 

I think it's too simplistic to create your argument based on his nationality. "Chinese people are like this and that" or "Aussies are like this and that" is a stereotypical way of thinking. 

 

If I am willing to go exclusive with a new boyfried, I would ask him to stop flirting with other women because that's not what I want. This could be a deal breaker, but you won't be happy dating a guy who can't promise what you want in a relationship. 

These are all very broad statements, I don't think it's wise to say an entire culture is promiscuous.

 

Probably you two have a different thought of your relationship. I don't believe that a lady will allow her boyfriend or husband to cheat on her in his country. Dump him without hesitate.

I think it was just the way he is, some people are like that. There are plenty of people that only want to have fun without commitment but it is not considered okay once you are in a relationship, that is cheating. 

 

If I had a boyfriend that was flirting with someone in front of me then I would be jealous. If he wanted to sleep with the girl and attempted to do so, I would not wish to be his girlfriend anymore. 

He said men were tend to find women are pretty, that's mam does. If I want to stop him, then I have to castrate him. I have tried to understand him, but enough is enough. I couldn't stand him anymore, so we broke up.

 

even now, he keeps saying that he wants me back, he always desire me and wants to be with me in his remainder life. I find I totally can't understand him!!! If he loves me, how could he have crushes on someone else? and how could he even want to bed with her??? oh, I wanna say the "F" word...

One of the reasons maybe the culture difference. U two have different backgrounds,educations,experiences,etc.and that leads to the different thoughts,values.

 

On the other hand, it's a true love problem. If he really loves u, he will respect u,understand u...and won't be crushed on the other girls. This is very easy to understand.  Be brave to face all the things, love yourself!

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