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Does this paragraph look good to you?

 

Personally I find it a bit difficult to understand. I would like to know if this is the style native English speakers would prefer as academic writing, thanks. Here's the paragraph:

 

Suffice to note, medical services are at times expensive to run and even though a company might be big, its financial muscle might not be in position to cater for all requirements. Governments have different sources of revenue and can cater for the most expensive medication or research of any given disease. Profit organizations will not get into a venture that is years from yielding. They do not make research and thus innovation and new medicines will not avail.

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Hey Joe,

This is quite a formal style of writing. Where is it from?

 

Hi Katrina,

This is a paragraph from a model answer provided by a company that offers IELTS essay correction services. This one is much more formal compared to most of other model answers written by IELTS examiners I read. So I am wondering if this is a common writing style in the English world. Most of the time I read technical documentation and blogs which are not so formal.

 

Hi, I do quite a bit of academic writing myself as I am a PhD student. I have to say this doesn't read like it was written by a native speaker (although it's not awful and I do understand it). I would say this is a common formal writing style, although again it doesn't sound like a native speaker wrote it. My attempt at this would be:

 

Suffice to say, medical services are at times expensive to run and even though a company may be large, its financial muscle may not be sufficient to cater for all requirements. Governments have different sources of revenue and can afford the most expensive medication or research in to any given disease. For-profit organizations will not enter in to a venture that is years from yielding results. They do not conduct research and thus innovation and new medicines will not stem from these organizations.

 

Hi Ashley,

Your rewriting is impressive, and it gives me the idea of how academic writing should look like. It surely is not the level I can reach any time soon:p

Thanks!

 

 

 

Don't worry, you'll get there! :) I think the biggest trick to writing in a formal style is to find the more formal synonyms for the words you'd normally use. For example, in the paragraph you posted, the word "big" was used. Personally, I find "big" to sound somewhat informal but its synonym "large" means the same thing while sounding more professional and formal. Reading high-quality newspapers can be a good way to learn which words are considered more professional/formal/academic vs the words you may have learned early in your English studies.

 

Good luck!!

 

 

The style is a bit polished and smart, but the grammar seems a bit off.

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