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Most of kids in my country are brought up by the thory that people should be shy. They shouldn't boast of their victories and achievements. Their business must speak about them. Is it good or they shoud be grew up in another way. What do you think, guys?
The idea that Not---Boasting---of---Victories---and---Achievements is not an accurate equivalency nor an accurate definition of SHYNESS.
Shyness, as it is understood in American Culture for example, and particularly evidenced in the researches of Psychology, is demonstrative of Selfishness.
Shyness, in this regard, can be seen to be a demonstration of Self-Concern, because the person is inhibited in their Self-Expression by an excess of Self-Concern.
Culturally, in countries like China, such SHYNESS is continually in Evidence, and elevated to a kind of Social Virtue. It shows that it is not a virtue, when the continual claim that is seen amongst the students of English, is that they cannot speak with confidence.
When the popularized misconception is dissolved, that all SHY people are "nice" people, and demonstrative of virtuous persons, the errors in reasoning can be progressed and real understanding acquired.
This is why it is critical in mankind's thinking, to avoid the error of concluding that if one
BOASTS and BRAGS one is not SHY. Boasting and Bragging may be problematic, but it is not the complement of SHY. That is an errant conclusion.
The specific term that describes the opposite of BOASTING and BRAGGING, is MODESTY, not Shyness.
Not all persons who are Modest, are Shy Persons. For example, Almost all of the English Teachers on italiki are MODEST persons. They never BRAG of their qualifcations, even if highly qualified.
They do demonstrate Modesty, which is a virtue. But they are not SHY persons.
A person who is SHY is a person who is overly concerned with themselves.
They tend toward the common fault of being Ego-Centric, and "Playing--God".
In other words, if one pays a compliment to such a person, like telling them that they are
"Nice-Looking" or "Intelligent" or that they "Speak---Very---Well" they respond by saying something like; "I----don't---think----so."
That is why this is referred to as Playing--God.
With such persons, they think they are virtuous by acting SHY.
They suppose that constantly dismissing what others say, and in fact,
always saying that others are Wrong, is demonstrating a social virtue.
Denying truth if it comes from other persons in such a fashion, is termed "Playing God".
It is a form of Social Backwardness, and it is also demosntrative of a Self-Centeredness.
It is rather like continually reminding one's self that I---AM---SHY---THEREFORE----SUPERIOR.
SHYNESS, per se, is demonstrative of a FEAR of people, and Fear is not a social virtue.
Being Modest about our persons and our compliments, does not mean that we cannot show respect to the compliments of others.
When people compliment our person, they are showing love, unless of course they are engaging in Flattery, which is praising someone so as to get something from them in the form of manipulation.
When compliments are warranted, it is a kind of "feedback" which assures a person that they are doing the right thing, or should continue to think of themself in a Positive way.
It is not IMMODEST to think of one's self as Intelligent, or Kind, or Warm and Friendly toward others, or a Good Singer, or a Fast Reader or a Fast Runner, or anything else.
Good people acknowledge the achievements of others. It is a form of Modesty to accept as fact,
a genuine compliment of another. Seeing GOOD in other people and accepting that other people see GOOD in us, is how we develop mutual trust, affection, and forms positive social bonds with mankind.
One of the deceptions that Mankind generally must contend with, is the idea thatpeople who Smile and Act Nice all the time, and who exhibit what is referred to as
Passive Behavior are virtuous persons.
It can be very insightful I think, to point out that some of the worst psychotics and the worst criminals in modern societies, such as Serial Killers and so forth, are Passive Personalities, Introvertes, and people who are often regarded as a Nice or Shy persons. It is so surprising that such persons sometimes turn out to be such "monsters" on the inside.
In fact, this would be a convenient time to point out the great difficulty with genuine communication.
I have observed for the past couple of years, that many people complain of their difficulty with speaking ....English for example.
It is necessary to be able to move beyond superficial dialogue, a dialogue that is almost "mechanical" in which the student of English expects to learn a few popular Idiomatic Expressions like they see in TV, Movies, and Novels and find immediate acceptance with Native Speakers.
Genuine communication occurs when both Native Speakers and Students alike, and all people actually, learn to move beyond superficial dialogue and into genuine identication of the very real concerns in life. This involves recognition of fears, the identification of real hopes and wants, and demonstrating an ability to engage in personal Risk-Taking.
It does not serve well in communication, to adopt a kind of "act" in which one might say, after a several months of dialogue on Skype etc.; "Oh, and by the way, have I reminded you lately that I am Shy?"
That sort of attitude becomes rather absurd.
Genuine communication occurs when both Native Speakers and Students alike, and all people actually, learn to move beyond superficial dialogue and into genuine identication of the very real concerns in life. This involves recognition of fears, the identification of real hopes and wants, identification of real abilities and talents, and demonstrating an ability to engage in personal Risk-Taking.
What is needed is very real insight into human nature, in which the rest of mankind is seen as something other than a kind of Cardboard Cut-Out.
What is very real about human beings, is that no matter how much they all look the same as people,
they are all genuinely unique. People are a composite of all of their live experiences, and those are never the same for everyone; but at the same time, there is always something ineffable about each and every human being. Human Beings are "special". Even if we find fault with people or think all people "ordinary" they are still uniquely special in their individuality.
So in the end, what all of us need is a Balancing Point, between extremes of thinking.
I would not waste time telling people; "I am shy."
keti, I've a few friends from Georgia. They're good guys. I also know parents some of their. All they are really good people, good families. You know, I really admire a good upbringing and an education level of those guys, their respect to older, to other people, to each other. Their parents invest many good human qualities in their children. I like what way it happens. And, they're truly modest, but not shy.
I think it is complex if I talk about the same circumstance with you, Basically, I am modest about it.
But My action is not like that, That is just for solving problems. Because I think where the humor base on something true. True is true on the initial concepts, humor is just a way to deal with it. but the concept still may go to reality. There are many different people who have different attitudes in it actually. But I think the reason to stop the circumstance as a moral standard that because the group would go to a mess finally. But the standard may not be moral. Like I boast in front of poor people in my country that because I stopped their thought expand to rich people. They become to ask rich people that dont do rich things in front of poor people. So rich people can not act as who they are. The achievement often can be seen with stuff that become a symbol that is bad for poor people maybe.
On another hand, Some of people would produce bad symbol in their group like adult video actress
There are people who feel achievement in it, but it is interesting they have to keep it through AV actress.
And people in it that have the similar situation, perhaps they are stinky. But it is also interesting that you can crash them just ruin the symbol, they can not communicate with each other cause they steep in their own culture too long, The meaning of languages they produce is so. Achievement is disappear
So..I think it should be dealed carefully. After all, Humen would turn into bad circumstance but that does not mean that you can not find truth. In this AV example, They will know that is disgusting when they got real love. Actress should know they still are stuff in the position of human mind accuratelly
Thanks for nice and detailed explanation about differences between shy and modest.
I meant MODESTY, of course.
Georgian culture encourages modesty. It said that actions speaks louder than words. However, if you don't blow your own trumpet loudly in right place and right time you will be mediocrity entire life.
What do you think? Is it good to be modesty?
Modesty is generally good if the person understands what modesty entails. The word can be tricky because it can be used as an excuse for being whimp, lazy, judgemental, and ultra-conservative. So, it depends on how one uses it, and also the definition can differ culture to culture.
Thank you very much for your reply, Anastasia. It's no wonder that you and we have the same standart to appreciate people. We have lived for a long time in one country and have similar values. However, what about modesty people's success? Are they able to sell themselves felicitously as it's recommended in each article?