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If you feel frustrated, what will you do? Will you take care of your parents when they're too old to do their own stuff? or send them to professional agencies such as apartment for the aged. What's the biggest difficulty if you take care of them in your own house?
i am Vietnamese, that mean I have a eastern culture. I will definitely take care of my parents when they are old. In my country, taking care of your parents show your love and gratitute. Further more, your children will look at you and learn, so if you were take care of your parents, in future your children would do the same for you.I feel it my responsibility towards my parents is as much as my responsibility towards my kids. I know it sound strange with some American or people from western country. I have watched some movie, in this some Americas freaking out when their parents come and visit them for few day. Of course they are from developed country, they can said that in developed country goverment will take care of elderly. But for me I'll never put my parents to some apartment for ages, they will feel lonely there. And after all their life take care of me, they deserve the love from their children.
waiting for American or western people give their thought.
Thank you Luis for your input. I totally understand what you've said. However, things become different in China now. Some Chinese people would like to keep their parents at home, and others don't because some parents need special medical care. For example, they need rehabilitation (recovery) exercises which only can take place in apartment for ages equipped with professional devices. Some people work whole day and don't have time to watch their parents. Some parents can't get along with children, even the sight of their children makes them angry, and their ager & sorrow worsen their health conditions. That's why they prefer apartment for ages because they have much things in common with people there. They would study, sing and play together. As to me, I'll respect my parents' choice depending on what they want and need. I can't get along with mine all the time because I have a stepmother who wouldn't treat me as a family member. Therefore, I have to consider more because my stepmother would never be happy when I'm around. When they can't live by themselves, I'll ask them where to go, with me or not? I can take good care of them. Yet if my stepmother's unhappy with this, they might go to the professionals. To be honest, many stepmothers can't get along with stepchildren in China. I don't know why. Mine is oversensitive due to her past experiences. Maybe her family philosophy is that only blood-bond is trustworthy. Your family is very ideal.
Chinese parents are so used to playing "hero" role (a protector who never fails and a wise person who's seldom wrong) in front of their children, so they feel ashamed to ask for help, show their weakness or speak out what they want in front of their children, so I have to guess, ask many times or even ask others' opinion.
but, what about old parent who have Dementia problem? we cant ask their want. What is your opinion
To Skype ferri.irawan3
Yes, Dementia is a serious problem, especially people with Dementia will wander around and get lost. I know such details as below:
1. Sew a cloth embroidered with names, address and phone number to their clothing.
2. If live in a big neighborhood, ask neighbors for watching them.
3. Some people with Dementia will become sober occasionally.
4. Keep them clean and well fed with best food we can offer. Take them walk in parks, etc.
Since I'm a Buddhist, I'll have a sound player playing Buddism Sutra mantras to them, because I think Dementia is not only a physical problem.
I'll take serious actions in such a case so that I won't regret. The most difficult part is that one may lose patience with parents, in which case, I'll read Buddism Sutra everyday to prevent it. Just like Luis said, gratitude is important.
If I don't have enough money and have to work to earn it, I'll send parents to the professionals and visit them weekly. We usually have two-day-off every week. A brother or sister will help a lot. I also know some religious volunteers whom I'll consider if not having a choice since the volunteers should go to the helpless first.
Some people are begining the construction of community service which also will help a lot.
Wow, so let's just be patient. :)