I realized I can die happily, meanwhile, I understand what chinese nun and monk are seeking for.

I did not read their books but they read it all life that still can not understand it. Now they are like European religion very rich.

And there is a possible to find what they are looking for that dont need to read their books. That is born so pure, Maybe that is you 

if you are muslin they still will catch you back

and their ritual is that can sex with many females in their special way.

But they still dont believe what I realized though they see shadow behind me