[Deleted]
If you are an American, can you walk in? I want to know whether it's common culture in America.

The only daughter of my dad's friend just married an American.  And that friend of my dad went to America to visit his daughter.  The new couple treated him a nice dinner on the first day he arrived in America.  But after that, whenever they had meal, his only sun-in-law asked him to cover his own part of the meal.  It's extremly rare and even rude in Chinese culture if you ask your father-in-law to cover the bill when he is visiting you.  He is a multimillionaire in China-- he doesn't care about the money.  It's just that he felt very disrespected by his sun-in-law.  He planed to visit his daughter for a couple days but angrily went back China on the third day.  

Is it common in America that sun-in-law refuse to cover his father-in-law's meal when he is actually visiting him?

Lol, just because of this, my parents are starting again to persuade me not to persue further education in US and I start again keep telling them that I am just to persue better education.  Lol

Jul 29, 2015 1:13 PM
Comments · 61
7

Cross-cultural relationships are more difficult than same-culture relationships.

Both parties MUST have a good understanding of each other's cultures.

They must learn about and respect each other's cultures, customs, traditions and rules of etiquette.

If they do not, there wil not be harmony.

When people get married they are also marrying the two families. If they don't understand that, then they should not get married.

In the US and in Canada, the visitor is your quest and you are responsible for the visitor, and that includes doing everything within your power to ensure that the quest has a pleasant visit.

I don't blame the man for being disappointed with his new son-in-law.

And I don't blame him for returning to China.

I do feel sorry for the woman.

 

Good manners are international...

July 29, 2015
6

Hi Shirleen - Interesting topic.  Something to consider in America, is that there are cultures within cultures, within cultures in the USA.  It is a large country made up of a long history of people who immigrated here from all over the world.  My point is, you will find that in social situations like this, such as "who pays the bill" will vary from person to person, family to family and so on. 

 

I was born and raised here and my family values and my own personal belief system is that if someone is coming to visit you, whether it be from another state within the US or another country, the nice thing to do is to pay for their meal when you eat out at a restaurant.  I consider them to be my guest and therefore my responsibility because I'm hosting their stay. They have gone through the trouble of visiting me and traveling, the least I can do is offer them food and make their stay as easy as possible. To me, I don't care if the other person has a lot of money.  It isn't about money, it is about respect and courtesy. 

 

Keep in mind, this is just how I feel. Now it changes if someone comes to visit and offers to take you out to dinner in appreciation for your hospitality.  To me, in this case, they want to show appreciation so allowing them to pay for your meal in this case is fine but I would never expect a visitor to pay for their meal, especially if it was my suggestion to go out to eat. 

 

July 31, 2015
6

In America the polite thing to do, even if you have no intention of contributing to the bill is to at least offer to contribute. There by extinguishing any thoughts that you are expecting anything. It is very rude in America to expect certain things. Paying your food bill is one of them. Usually if there is a question of the bill it can go three ways. You ask if you can pay your half and the person can either say no I'll take care of it. Or if they are trying to be fair to the situation they will say well I'll pay the bill you just take care of the tip. Or you just pay what covers you. The thing to understand about American culture is never expect anything and always offer to be polite. If the American is polite and believes it to be fair, they will refuse your offer. They will appreciate that you at least offered.

July 31, 2015
6

i, for one, find that man very rude. the dad is part of the family, and its not like the dad will stay with his daughter forever. he is visiting for a few days and in those few days asking him to cover his share is very wrong.

 

i dont need to be an american to understan this.

July 29, 2015
6

Again not American, but I don't see anything strange with what the guy did.

'Cover the bill' means to pay for the whole bill. That isn't what happened by the sounds of it. If he was expected to do that (pay for everyone's meal) then that would have been very disrespectful.

But paying for what you have yourself eaten, even if you are invited, is not anything unusual in the West.

If someone comes to stay with you for a period of time then people often treat the person to a meal as a sign of respect and as a welcome, as happened with your father's friend. 

But it is a nice gesture on the behalf of the people if they decide to do that and it isn't obligatory. And if the people have covered the bill on the first occasion, there is then no further expectation that subsequent meals out will be paid for as well.

I think the issue stems here from the fact that the father-in-law wanted to be treated as someone special, and the husband treated him as he would have done anyone else. Probably extremely naive on the husband's part, but taken in isolation (and ignoring the fact you probably want to make a really good impression on your in-laws) I don't see anything wrong with what he did.

 

July 29, 2015
Show more