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An essay regarding Career Orientation - Please comment on it!

Please help me comment on this, I am required to write an career orientation essay for Management Trainee program at Procter & Gamble. Please help!
I pay a passion for Marketing!
I am a fresh graduate in Hospitality Business from Hoa Sen University. The passion for Marketing comes with me as a destiny because I don’t mostly pay attention on it at first. I have studied about business in Hospitality industry, through related subjects like Overview Marketing, Research Method, Marketing for Hospitality Service…I was really attracted by Marketing concepts and theories (Purchasing Decision process, Pricing, Product life cycle...), Marketing helps us increase consumption, we can control, educate consumer behavior based on insights we find out from them. Marketing for me is really powerful and important for a Business. I, thus, decided that I would have to be successful in Marketing since my second academic year, and an career orientation was drawn: “Frist of all, I start with freelance jobs for Marketing Service agencies in order to experience Marketing in execution; then, I would like to work for client side to practice Marketing with higher and larger thinking, I expect a chance to create strategically an overview Marketing plan, from pregnancy stage of a product to launching it, and build up a strong and successful brand or make Marketing decision according to every stage of product life cycle, even further, I am ambitious for covering a product category in the future”.
The first freelance job with IO Media, a Digital Marketing agency through 3 projects of online communication for TCL Vietnam, FPT Elead, Vincem Ha Tien gave me key knowledge and tools of Online Marketing & Communication in operation; such as, Viral Marketing on online communities, PR programs via social networks (Facebook Fanpage, Banner online…). In 2010, I came closer to Marketing via working at Fta Research agency, I joined market research projects regarding Customer Behavior, Brand Health Check, In-depth interview to get consumer insights and market gap in a product category, I gradually think of Marketing action and make sense what happens on the market across product categories I have ever handled based on research reports. My Marketing thinking, however, has just stopped at market report on paper…I am looking for an opportunity to turn continuously findings on paper into a Marketing Plan, follow up and manage next steps of Marketing in operation…how to launch/re-launch or make

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