Okita Soji
Incompleteness of his life made him the perfect.
God endowed him with gifts of sword.
But Times has forced darkness into his purity, and cruely pierced his fairness.
Angels have put starlight in his eyes, his smiles has always been gentle and innocent.
All made me heartbreaking.
He is also in fond of the lovely springs, the gorgeous scene of blooming sakura.
But the age named him a son of evil.
He has gone in his glorious but sad youth in a shining May day, silently, like sakura.
Then a new epoch of Japan comes before long.
Corrections
I shall try to correct ^_^ Grey is what I have added. I dont know how to put lines through incorrect words, so I just got rid of them.
He is the most beautiful person i've ever seen before.
Incompleteness of his life makes him perfect.
God endowed him with a gift of a sword.
However, time has forced darkness into his purity, and cruely pierceing his fairness.
Angels have put starlight in his eyes, his smiles have always been gentle and innocent.
All of this makes me feel like my heart is breaking
He is also fond of the lovely spring, the gorgeous scene of blooming sakura.
The age named him a son of evil.
He has gone in his glorious yet sad youth on a shining May day, silently, like sakura.
Then a new epoch of Japan comes not to long after.
Sentences shouln't begin with "But" in formal pieces of writing. Also, try to keep your past present and future tenses the same throughout your entire peice of writing :]
すばらし！^^ Well done!
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