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can you find any mistakes in my essay?)please:))

Some people think that young people become more serious and sensible getting the pocket money. Others claim that teenagers can not deal with money and spend it unwisely and believe that they always buy useless things. Now I would like to express my point of view on the problem of pocket money.
Pocket money, in my opinion is very useful for teenagers. I think that pocket money helps children to learn how to plan their budget. Teenagers always want to spend their money on many things, but the amount of money is limited. Furthermore, young people begin to understand the value of money. It helps them to realize what kind of job to choose in future to earn enough money for everything they want to get.
On the other hand, many people think that teenagers waste money. I can not agree with this argument because most of us spend our money on very useful things. We buy food because we spend a lot of time at school. Teenagers buy clothes because look smart is very important today. We pay for the mobile phones and internet because without it we can not study. Moreover many people are in favour of idea how difficult to earn money in our days. I disagree because adults forget that most of us have part time job and of course we realize that to make good money we have to be hardworking ,responsible and diligent.
Taking everything into consideration, there are two different points of view on this problem. To my mind parents should give their children pocket money and do not care how do they spend it (of course it is not about drugs and alcohol). I am sure that sensible spending of it teaches them a lot.

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    Could you find any mistakes in my essay, )please? :))

     

    Some people think that young people become more serious and sensible getting the through receiving pocket money. Others claim that teenagers cannot deal with managing their own money, often and spending it unwisely and believe that they always buying useless things. Now I would like to express my point of view on the matter of pocket money.

    Just a note, based on your question - pocket money is perfectly OK to use. An allowance is an Americanism.


    Pocket money, in my opinion, is very useful for teenagers. I think that pocket money helps children to learn how to plan their budget. Teenagers always want to spend their money on many things, but the amount of money is limited.

     

    Furthermore, in this way young people can begin to understand the value of money. It helps them to realise what kind of job to choose in the future to earn enough money for everything they want to get or need.

     

    On the other hand, many people think that teenagers waste money. I cannot agree with this argument because most of us teenagers do spend our money on very useful things. We buy food because we spend a lot of time at school. Teenagers buy clothes because looking smart is very important today. We pay for our mobile phones and internet because without them we cannot study. Moreover, many people are in favour of have the idea how that it is difficult to earn money in our these days. I disagree because adults forget that most of us do have part-time jobs and of course we realise that to make good money we have to be hardworking, responsible and diligent.

     

    Taking everything into consideration, there are two different points of view on this problem. To my mind, parents should give their children pocket money and do not care how do they spend it (unless of course, it is not about on drugs or alcohol). I am sure that sensible spending of it teaches them a lot.

     

    I made a few polishes and rewrites to make the text flow properly and sound appropriate.  Feel free to ask about any corrections I've made - I'll be happy to explain them. Also, do tell me if I've misunderstood your intention; I was doubtful a couple of times, and had to guess.

    One note: when you use an action as the subject or object (or as a "thing" in any way), you put it in the gerund form: looking smart is very important today.

    Basically, this was quite a good essay!

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