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IELTS Task 1. "International Tourist Arrivals in Five Countries."Could you please correct my notes?

 

The line graph demonstrates the number of tourists visited different countries around the world over the time period from 1995 to 2010.
Overall, it can be clear that all countries gained popularity over the fifteen year span. While the USA was by far the most popular destination among the five countries listed, the least popular country was Brazil.
According to the given statistics, the same pattern can be seen for both Brazil and Egypt. Between 1995 and 2010, there was a gradual increase in the number of travelers, rising from around 10 million to approximately 20 million. Furthermore, the figures for Malaysia more than doubled in the same period from slightly fewer than 20 million to over 50 million.
As can be observed, during the fifteen year period, France witnessed a tremendous growth in the number of visitors, soaring from about 30 million to more than 90 million. In 1996, about 70 million people traveled to the USA, while this figure rose to over 90 million in 2005, after which there was a negligible decrease.

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    IELTS Task 1. "International Tourist Arrivals in Five Countries."Could you please correct my notes?

    The line graph demonstrates the number of tourists visited visiting/who visited different(certain) countries around the world over during the time period from 1995 to 2010.
    Overall, it can is be clear that all countries (gained popularity) increased tourist numbers/saw an increase in tourism over the fifteen year span. While the USA was by far the most popular destination among the five countries listed, the least popular country was Brazil.
    According to the given statistics, the same pattern can be seen for both Brazil and Egypt. Between 1995 and 2010, there was a gradual increase in the number of travellers, rising from around 10 million to approximately 20 million. Furthermore, the figures for Malaysia more than doubled in the same period from slightly fewer less than 20 million to over 50 million.
    As can be observed, during the fifteen year period, France witnessed a tremendous growth in the number of visitors, soaring from about 30 million to more than 90 million (which trebled). In 1996, about 70 million people traveled to the USA, while this figure rose to over 90 million in 2005, after which there was a negligible decrease. 

    Hi Sarah,

    Great job. I can really see that your confidence in your writing has grown over the last week. 

    I have offered "certain" as an alternate to "different" because you go on to list named countries rather than not having a specific list of countries. 

    "over" I would change to "during". However, this may be a difference in terms used in USA English and UK etc. English. :)

    "gained popularity" - this is the meaning you wish to convey in your sentence but I felt that changing it to the alternates would fit better as your piece goes on to give definite figures rather than say percentages.

    "travellers" - again, what you have written is correct in US ENglish but in other English formats it has "LL"

    "fewer than" in the UK we would say "less than", again possibly a difference amongst native English speakers :)

    "which trebled" this is an alternate way to say what you have written and a short way.  Your figures show that the number of visitors multiplied by 3 so in English we would say "the number of visitors trebled".  There is nothing wrong with the way you have written it, this i simply an alternate for you.

     

    IELTS Task 1. "International Tourist Arrivals in Five Countries."Could you please correct my notes?

    The line graph demonstrates the number of tourists visiting different countries around the world over the time period from 1995 to 2010.
    Overall, it is clear that all countries gained popularity over the fifteen year span. While the USA was by far the most popular destination among the five countries listed, the least popular country was Brazil.
    According to the given statistics, the same pattern can be seen for both Brazil and Egypt. Between 1995 and 2010, there was a gradual increase in the number of travelers, rising from around 10 million to approximately 20 million. Furthermore, the figures for Malaysia more than doubled in the same period, from slightly fewer than 20 million to over 50 million.
    As can be observed, during the fifteen year period, France witnessed a tremendous growth in the number of visitors, soaring from about 30 million to more than 90 million. In 1996, about 70 million people traveled to the USA, while this figure rose to over 90 million in 2005, after which there was a negligible decrease.

     

    [Three tiny errors.  Excellent.]

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