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Rückert poem rendered into English. Comments appreciated.

My rendering into English of a poem by Friedrich Rückert. Comments appreciated! Comments, if possible, in (good) English, my German lacks.

In gold'nen Abendschein getauchet,
Wie feierlich die Wälder stehn!
In leise Stimmen der Vöglein hauchet
Des Abendwindes leises Weh'n.
Was lispeln die Winde, die Vögelein?
Sie lispeln die Welt in Schlummer ein.

Ihr Wünsche, die ihr stets euch reget
Im Herzen sonder Rast und Ruh!
Du Sehnen, das die Brust beweget,
Wann ruhest du, wann schlummerst du?
Beim Lispeln der Winde, der Vögelein,
Ihr sehnenden Wünsche, wann schlaft ihr ein?

Was kommt gezogen auf Traumesflügeln?
Was weht mich an so bang, so hold?
Es kommt gezogen von fernen Hügeln,
Es kommt auf bebendem Sonnengold.
Wohl lispeln die Winde, die Vögelein,
Das Sehnen, das Sehnen, es schläft nicht ein.

Ach, wenn nicht mehr in gold'ne Fernen
Mein Geist auf Traumgefieder eilt,
Nicht mehr an ewig fernen Sternen
Mit sehnendem Blick mein Auge weilt;
Dann lispeln die Winde, die Vögelein
Mit meinem Sehnen mein Leben ein.


Steeped in evening glows, engoldened,
How solemnly the forests stand!
Little birds' low calls enfoldened
In faint flutterings of the evening wind.
What do the birds and the winds whisper all?
They whisper the world into slumber to fall.

You, my desires, always stirring
In my heart, no peace, no rest!
You, my longings, ever yearning,
When will you sleep, when rest?
The birds and the winds, with their whisperings all,
Oh when will my longings to slumbering fall?

What is it comes on wings of dreams,
That sweetly stirs, sublimely chills,
Coming from where the Sun trembling gleams,
Coming from far and distant hills
The birds and the winds, well do they call
But the longings they will not to slumbering fall.

Ah, when no more to those golden hills
My restless thoughts on dream-wings soar,
When in yearning my far gaze dwells
On eternally distant stars no more,
Then, birds and winds into their whisperings all
My longings and my life will fall.

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    Corrections

    (I'll use the "correction" feature to comment, this way I'll get notifications.)

    Not bad at all. And your German can't be lacking that much if you're able to translate such a poem in the first place.

    Translating poetry is always difficult, and one often has to choose between the lesser of two evils, and you're probably aware of all these points, but just in case:

    1) "bang und hold" is difficult to translate, but "sweetly stirs, sublimely chills" is not completely on the mark in my opinion. I don't have a better suggestion, though. :-) It's more like the feeling of longing, when you don't know what to expect, so you're a bit afraid, but at the same time it's beautiful and exciting. A very romantic feeling.

    2) "Beim Lispeln der Winde ..." seems at first glance to be an answer to the question asked before, though it is then again turned into another question or wish. This aspect is somewhat missing in the translation.

    3) It's a pity that the rather rigid structure (Was/Beim/Wohl/Dann) of the variation of the "Winde and Vögelein" line could not be kept in the translation.

     

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