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This is really good, just be careful as most of the mistakes are about using the correct tense.....most of the story should be in 'past simple'. Great Job!
The four friends（四个伙伴）
It's a Mandarin story,I translated it into English. There is a strip of forest at in a place which is far away from any towns。At in that this (you have already talked about the place, so use this now)place，all the animals and birds live in clam harmony (means quiet/peace) together。The forest is the home of the four friends，a deer，a tortoise，a crow and a mouse。Every evening，they talk about what happened in the forest together that day。 One day，the deer was afraid，“The hunters are setting traps every where，what shall we do something to avoid these them？“Yes we know，we have some methods ideas already”，the crow spoke loudly，“Our friend，the mouse has known knows”，the crow was talking about what he had seen。Before now some days，I had already seen something what of an advantage。A group of pigeons are arrested were caught in a hunter’s tuck net，their wings flap strongly。Suddenly，all the pigeons bit the tuck net to and fly into the sky。Where do did they go？They flew Fly to our friend，the mouse。The mouse tore tears the tuck net to ribbons with his sharp teeth，then all the pigeons are escaped！They all thanked our friend very much。 The deer went to find water after hearing the story。At the same time，the other three friends started to eat fruits、bush and leafs leaves (1 leaf, many leaves) off the trees。They were talking about so late and waiting the deer to come back coming。But the deer didn't come was not coming，the friends began to worry。 In the morning coming，when the other friends were calling out the deer，the crow was flying everywhere to try and find the deer。At an empty place (better to call this 'a clearing')，the crow found that the deer’s leg was enmeshed in to the tuck net。“don’t be worried”，he told the deer coldly (here calmly is better here, as coldly means he was angry with the deer)，“we will help you”。The crow flied flew off to find his friends。The tortoise thought a method of a way to help，“mouse，you crawl onto the crow’s back”，then they began to fly to the deer。The mouse tore the truck net immediately。At the same time，the tortoise went to the place。“why are you coming here，If the hunter came back，you can’t escape”，the deer shouted。At that moment the hunter was really coming back！To On hearing the footsteps of the hunter，all the animals were tried to escape。But the tortoise was too slowly (if you use slowly it must have the verb too; eg he ran slowly, he drank slowly)，the hunter caught him and tied him with the a rope onto a branch。“help！the tortoise has a is in big trouble for because of me”，the deer said。Suddenly，the deer jumped into the water pool near the road。She lied on the ground without any moving，although the crow was finding found her。When the hunter leaved left the tortoise to catch the deer，the mouse tore the rope and saved the tortoise，the tortoise jumped into the water；at the same time the deer escaped quickly，the crow flied flew awayeasy。 The four friends went home，and now they all live happily together
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