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Could check my essay please?

Many people think that higher education is necessary for everybody, but others claim that it is a waste of time. Now I would like to express my point of view about higher education.
Higher education in my opinion is one of the most important things at nowadays. The first thing that needs to be said is that if you have a Tertiary education, you have considerably more opportunities for getting highly paid work than without it. Secondly, students who have graduated from university, acquire more knowledge than people who not. Furthermore, one should not forget that studying at university expands the horizons and raise the cultural level considerably more than if you study at specialized school.
However, some people think that they have more chances be demanded and find a high paid job than people with higher education. I cannot agree with this statement, I believe that only an educated person can get a good job and be promoted. Furthermore, it is often said that studying at the University takes a lot of time and doesn’t give any knowledge. They fail to consider that for this long time, it gives people considerably more knowledge and possibilities for their future. Finally, many people say that Tertiary education is very expansive and it is undeniable that it is true. The other side of the coin is that you and your family can work for university and lose weight together, because all money goes for your study. I think it is really good.
There are different points of view on this problem .To draw the conclusion , I can say that everybody must realize the importance of Higher education as it is a guarantee of development and well-being in our society.

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    Could you check my essay please?

    Many people think that higher education is necessary for everybody, but others claim that it is a waste of time. Now I would like to express my point of view about higher education.
    Higher education in my opinion is one of the most important things at nowadays. The first thing that needs to be said is that if you have a Tertiary education, you have considerably more opportunities for getting highly paid work than without it. Secondly, students who have graduated from university, acquire more knowledge than people who not. Furthermore, one should not forget that studying at university expands the horizons and raise the cultural level considerably more than if you study at specialized school.
    However, some people think that they have more chances be demanded and find a high paid job than people with higher education. I cannot agree with this statement, I believe that only an educated person can get a good job and be promoted. Furthermore, it is often said that studying at the University takes a lot of time and doesn’t give any knowledge. They fail to consider that for this long time, it gives people considerably more knowledge and possibilities for their future. Finally, many people say that Tertiary education is very expansive and it is undeniable that it is true. The other side of the coin is that you and your family can work for university and lose weight together, because all money goes for your study. I think it is really good.
    There are different points of view on this problem .To draw the conclusion , I can say that everybody must realize the importance of Higher education as it is a guarantee of development and well-being in our society.

    "Corrections" are shown in red.  Suggested stylistic changes are shown in blue.

     

    Could check my essay please?

    Many people think that higher education is necessary for everybody, but others claim that it is a waste of time. Now I would like to express my point of view about higher education.
    Higher education in my opinion is one of the most important things at nowadays. The first thing that needs to be said is that if you have [one has] a tertiary education [post-secondary education], you have [one has] considerably more opportunities for getting [obtaining] highly paid work than without it. Secondly, students who have graduated from university, acquire more knowledge than people who do not. Furthermore, one should not forget that studying at university expands one's horizons and raises one's cultural level considerably more than if one studies] at a specialized school.
    However, some people think that they will be more in demand, and will find a higher paying job than people who have a higher education. I cannot agree with this statement.  I believe that only an educated person can get a good job and be promoted. Furthermore, it is often said that studying in a university takes a lot of time and doesn’t impart any knowledge. They fail to consider that during this long period of time, it gives people considerably more knowledge and possibilities for their future. Finally, many people say that a tertiary [post-secondary] education is very expensive; and that is undeniably true. The other side of the coin is that you and your family are apt to lose weight together, because all your money goes towards your studies, rather then for food. I think that is really good.
    There are different points of view on this problem.  In conclusion , I can say that everybody should realize the importance of higher education, as it is a guarantee of development and well-being in our society.

    We should be consistent in whether we are going to use the pronoun "you" or the pronoun "one."  "one" is much more formal.

     

    "tertiary education" is correct, but at least in my country, (almost) no one uses it.  "post-secondary education" or "post-high school education" are far more common.

     

    Sorry, I'm not sure I understood the sentence about losing weight.  I concluded that you were joking that because all your money is spent on college expenses, you won't have any money left to buy food, and you will therefore lose weight.  If so, I think you should consider deleting that sentence (and the next one to, "I think that is really good").  Your essay is written in a serious tone until your joke about losing weight.  The joke would not be in harmony with the rest of your essay.  However, if I didn't properly understand the sentence about losing weight, please accept my apologies.

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