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Suddenly, the next day, when he the old man was about to spread out his fishnet into the river, fog came out began to pour out (< came out works, but is not very expressive) of the river all of a sudden.Then, a man turned up emerged from the fog and bowed to him the old man."I am from the Dragon Palace.The carp you saved yesterday was a is the son of the Dragon King." (even though the Dragon King may have more than one son, "a" sounds funny here)The man from the fog then gave a shiny bead to him the old man and said,"This is a bead that makes wishes come true. Please, keep it safe."And then The man from the fog slowly disappeared back into the fog. (And is only used at the beginning of a sentence if you want to make a dramatic point. I replaced all the him's and he's with who you were meaning. I did this because when you are going back and forth between 2 people in a paragraph, specifying the characters is important for giving clarity.)
The old man could no longer think about fishing or not care about the fishing and anything else so he hurried back home with the bead. (< It sound's funny to put "so" at the beginning of a sentence here.)He told his wife about it the bead, and she examined every part of it because she just could not believe that it was a magic bead."Darling, what wish should we make? Shall we ask it to give us a roll of silk?" said the old man.
"Oh my! My Dear me!" exclaimed the old woman, "I just want the pot not to be empty ever to never be empty. That is what I want my only wish." (< "That is what I want" works here, but "That is my only wish" re-establishes the old man asking her about her wish. Each time someone new speaks, it becomes a new paragraph.)Amazingly enough, after a while, they went out of the room and found that the pot was full of rice."It surely is a magic bead!"They were so delighted that they danced around joyfully about.
I hope this wasn't to overwhelming. ^_^ You may already understand what I wrote all in red, but I hope it is helpful!
My attempt at translating a traditional Korean folk-tale into English: The Dog and Cat (1)
I hope you enjoy my translation. And because the translation work is over 2500 characters, I will divide it into a few parts and upload them. Many years ago, in a village there lived together in a village an old man and an old woman who were very poor. (Often in old stories like this they add "very" to emphasize the situation)The old man was a made his living as a fisherman who caught fish on a the river. (Your sentence makes sense but because you mention him coming home from selling fish in the following sentence it important to establish why he was selling fish. If you are talking about a specific river "the" is best to use. It would also sound good if you added the name of the river. Example "the Colombian river")One day, when he was on the way home from selling fish, he saw a dog being beaten. The dog looked very painful pained and sad. "Dear, dear! Such a poor thing." He paid for decided to buy the dog with all the money he earned by selling the fish, and he came home with the exhausted dog held tightly in his arms. The following day, when he the old man (When starting a new paragraph, it's important to re-establish you you are writing about) was coming home with the fish he had caught, and he discovered that a cat was down. (< I don't quite understand what you mean in the highlighted orange)"Dear, dear! You poor thing." He gave the cat a fish. The cat enjoyed the fish, eating, and then looked up at him in the face innocently. He came home, holding the cat tightly in his arms. Therefore, he The old man now had four family members now. Following these events, he went out the old man continued to fish every each day, but he could not catch many fish. One day, he caught a very big carp. He was glad that he could sell it and keep his livelihood. (< Livelihood is a word, but I don't commonly hear it)Good heavens! What do you think happened?
To the reader: Can you imagine what happened next?Well, With the tears coming out, the carp was able to speak! "Please, spare me, sir. If you spare me, I will repay your favor at all costs." He regarded the carp as extraordinary and took much care to send it back into the river.
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