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My attempt at translating a traditional Korean folk-tale into English: The Dog and Cat (2)

Thanks to the magic bead, the leaky roof was replaced with a new clean one.
His old broken boat was renewed as well.
The cat could eat delicious fish at every meal, and the dog could eat rice with Doenjang soup at every meal.
The bead was the best thing for the old man and the old woman.
And so, for the bead not to be damaged, they took very much care in keeping it hidden and safe in their house.

However, there was a greedy hag who heard of the magic bead.
She earned a bead that looked exactly the same as the magic bead, and went with it to the old man’s house.
As the greedy hag bragged about the fake bead, the old woman was naive enough to bring out the real magic bead.
The greedy hag switched the beads making a fuss and saying, "Oh my! They both look just like twins!"
But the old woman did not have the faintest idea about it.

After that day, somehow, the old man's boat was broken and the rice ran out.
They took out the bead and made a wish to it, but nothing happened.
"Ah! I think the bead is now broken."
They became poor again.
By the way, there was a rumor that the greedy hag became rich all at once.
"Mew, there's something suspicious about the greedy hag."
"Bowwow, let's go to her house and look for the real magic bead."
The dog and the cat swam across the river and went to the greedy hag's house.

They came to her house, but they did not know where the bead was.
"Mew, I will see where it is."
The cat went into a storeroom and caught a boss rat.
The rats shook around the cat and begged her.
The rats said, squeaking, "Please. Spare our boss."
With the boss rat under her front paws, she said horrifyingly,
"This house has a precious bead in it, doesn’t it? I shall spare your boss if you bring it."

The rats started going through the whole house.
Is it hidden in the rafters?
Or in the attic?
Or in the furnace?
Eventually, the rats learned that the bead was kept in the greedy hag's pillow.
They discussed how to take it out.
After the discussion, they ran up to the main floor and started gnawing at pillars, floors, grain chests, and dining tables.
The greedy old woman woke up at that, and shouted out.
They gnawed more violently here and there.

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    Corrections

    They came to her house, but they didn't know where to find the bead was.
    "Mew, I will see where find it is." The cat said.
    The cat went into a storeroom and found caught a boss rat whom she caught.
    The rats shook around the cat and begged her. (< I don't quite understand this sentence.  Shook around?)
    The rats said, squeaking, "Please. Spare our boss."
    With the boss rat under her front paws, she said horrifyingly, (< I'm not sure horrifyingly is the word you want.  Maybe try "angrily")
    "This house has a precious bead in it, doesn’t it? I shall spare your boss if you bring it me the magic bead."

     

    The rats started going began rummaging ("started going through" works here but "began rummaging" sounds better) through the whole house.
    "Is it hidden in the rafters? Or in the attic? Or in the furnace?"
    Eventually, the rats learned that the bead was kept in the greedy hag's pillow.
    They discussed how to take it out steal it.
    After the discussion, they ran up to the main floor and started began ("started" works here, "began" sounds better) gnawing at pillars, floors, grain chests (< Do you mean "chests full of grain"?), and dining tables.
    Hearing this, the greedy old woman woke up at that, and shouted out at the noise.
    They The rats gnawed more violently here and thereAt the moment when The greedy hag opened the door and looked out, and they dashed in through the crevices in the walls.
    And Then, they started gnawing at even a folding screen, a papeterie some stationary, and a cedar chest.

     

     

    I took the first couple sentences from the third part of your translation and added it here.  Because I corrected the 3rd one first, there will be some incorrections.  I can re-edit it if you want.  ^_^  I hope this is helpful!

     

    My attempt at translating a traditional Korean folk-tale into English: The Dog and Cat (2)

     

    Thanks to the magic bead, the leaky roof was replaced with a new clean one, and
    His the old man's old broken boat was renewed mended as well. (< renewed isn't commonly used)
    The cat could was able to (When I hear or see people use could, I most commonly see it used in questions) eat delicious fish at every meal, and the dog could was able to eat rice with Doenjang soup at every meal.
    The bead was the best thing (< "Thing" is very vague and doesn't work well in this sentence.  Consider using a different explanation) to happen to for the old man and the old woman.
    And so So for the bead was not to be damaged (< And worked well here but I changed it because it sounds better to use "so" instead of "for" and you wouldn't have wanted "so" twice), they took very much care in to keeping it hidden and safe safe and hidden in their house home. (< I'm not sure why but safe comes before hidden here.  House works here, but home fits better here.)

    However, One day there was a greedy hag who heard of the magic bead.
    She earned found a bead that looked exactly the same as the magic bead, and went with it to the old man’s house.
    As the greedy hag bragged about the fake bead, the old woman was naive enough to bring out the real magic bead.
    When the old woman wasn't looking, the greedy hag switched the beads making a fuss and saying said, "Oh my! They both The beads look just like twins!"
    But The old woman did not have the faintest idea about it what happened.

    After that day, somehow, the old man's boat was broken and the rice ran out.
    They The old man and old woman took out the bead and made a wish to on it, but nothing happened.  "Ah! I think the bead is now broken now." they said.
    They became poor again.


    By the way Unexpectedly, there was began to be a rumor that the greedy hag was suddenly became rich all at once.
    "Mew, there's something suspicious about the greedy hag." said the cat. (Is there another transition between these 2 sentences?  How did the dog know the old hag had the magic bead?)
    "Bowwow, let's go to her house and look for the real magic bead." said the dog.
    The dog and the cat swam across the river and went to the greedy hag's house.


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