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My second attempt (effort o try?) at translation of a Spanish text

http://www.italki.com/entry/323456
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Why should someone learn to play a musical instrument?

This week I noticed a very interesting story in the news. One boy of five years old was about to play piano very soon in Carnegie Hall in New York. This topic made me think about the benefits of playing a musical instrument.

Many studies has proved that children who play a musical instrument do better in school, have a higher IQ and playing an instrument makes the abilities of some parts of their brain increase more rapidly.
The adults can get benefit of it as well because learning how to play an instrument helps them to keep their brain active and alert and prevents Alzheimer's and other age-related memory loss.
It also teaches us how to be disciplined and to reduce the stresses caused by our daily activities. All and all, although playing an instrument seems to be simple but can gift us one of the sweetest pleasures of life.
Learning music will bring you a sense of accomplishment especially when you can play a song which you like most without mistake or with tiny mistakes. However, the most important advantage is that it is fun.

With regard to what I mentioned, You can see that playing a musical instrument will satisfy our feelings in many different ways.

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    My second attempt (effort o try? [attempt is the best :)]) at translation of a Spanish text

    http://www.italki.com/entry/323456
    ©All rights reserved by Dear Tooth! :)

    Why should someone learn to play a musical instrument?

    This week I noticed a very interesting story in the news. OneA boy of five years old [better to say: a five year old boy] was about to play piano very soon[this is redundant as its saying the same thing as "about to"] in Carnegie Hall in New York. This topic made me think about the benefits of playing a musical instrument.

    Many studies has proved that children who play a musical instrument do better in school, have a higher IQ and playing an instrument makes the abilities of some parts of their brain increase more rapidly.
    The adults can get benefit of from it as well because learning how to play an instrument helps them to keep their brain active and alert and prevents Alzheimer's and other age-related memory loss.
    It also teaches us how to be disciplined and to reduce the stresses caused by our daily activities. All andin all, although playing an instrument seems to be simple but it can gift us one of the sweetest pleasures of life. [you don't use but with although- generally the structure "<positive clause> but <negative clause>" or "although <negative clause>, <positive clause>"]


    Learning music will bring you a sense of accomplishment especially when you can play a song which you like most without mistake or with tiny mistakes. However, the most important advantage is that it is fun.

    With regard to what I mentioned, You can see that playing a musical instrument will satisfy our feelings in many different ways.

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