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please, could anybody revise this e-mail? Thxs!

Dear Jonathan,

my name is XXXXX and I work in the “Health and Safety Office” of XXXXX where I deal with safety at work and environmental protection themes: I am currently in charge of the “Environmental protection Area”.
My Area coordinates all the initiatives that XXXXX realizes to protect the environment; moreover, we yearly monitor the impact of XXXXX’s operations on the environment (please see for more details our Environmental Reports on our website). Last year we also started a project about corporate social responsibility: so far we have collected information and data about our CSR performance and we have drawn up our first Sustainability Report.

I am writing to you because I would be very interested in spending a short period of time in YYYY (at the ZZZZ Committee or at one of your Department): during this period I could learn how you manage safety and environmental themes and share our experience as well. This stage could be really very helpful for me.
I kindly ask you to tell me the person I should contact to assess the feasibility of this proposal.
Then we could decide the best way to organize it (for example, through the CCCCC programme) and all the details (period of the year, duration, etc.).

I look forward to hearing from you. In the meantime, thank you very much for your helpfulness.

Kind regards.

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    Please, could anybody check this e-mail? Thanks!

    Dear Jonathan,

    My name is XXXXX and I work at the “Health and Safety Office” of XXXXX where I deal with safety at work and environmental protection themes: I am currently in charge of the “Environmental protection Area”.
    My Area coordinates all the initiatives that XXXXX realizes to protect the environment; moreover, we yearly monitor the impact of XXXXX’s operations on the environment (please see for more details our Environmental Reports on our website). Last year we also started a project about corporate social responsibility: so far, we have collected information and data about our CSR performance and we have drawn up our first Sustainability Report.

    I am writing to you because I would be very interested in spending a short period of time in YYYY (at the ZZZZ Committee or at one of your Departments): during this period I could learn how you manage safety and environmental themes and share our experience as well. This stage could be really very helpful for me.
    I kindly ask you to tell me whom should I contact to evaluate the feasibility of this proposition.
    Then we could decide the best way to organize it (for example, through the CCCCC programme) and all the details (period of the year, duration, etc.).

    I am looking forward to hear from you. In the meantime, thank you very much for your helpfulness.

    Kind regards.

     

    Excelent. This is a formal letter, right? Well done!

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