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(38) I truly want to improve my writing skills. I'd love to have your help.

 

1)
My cellphone was vibrating with a text message last night. She was getting stressed out and wanted to shake it off over a drink with me. I found her struggling particularly theses days. As a college senior, she appeared to have been bombarded with works to get a job after graduation. Seeing her feel uneasy even though she was doing fine, I tried to come up with some ideas to encourage her. All I could do for her was let her know every cloud has a silver lining.

2)
A text was jiggling my cell phone last night. It said that she was under a lot of stress these days and would like to relieve stress over a drink with me. I found she had a hard time theses days. I guessed this is because she is a college senior and should prepare stacks of things for getting a job. Having seen her doing a good job but feeling uneasy, I slept over how I could encourage her to bob up. All I could do for her was just help her look on the bright side.

Please help me.
Thanks!

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    Corrections

    (38) I truly want to improve my writing skills. I'd love to have your help.

    1)
    My cellphone was vibrating with a text message last night [Last night, my cellphone was vibrating with a text message from a friend]. She was getting stressed out [with life] and wanted to shake it off [her worries] over a drink with me. I found her to be struggling particularly theses days. As a college senior, she appeared to have has been bombarded [using bombarded here sounds a little strange, since 'bombarding' is when many things are coming one after another- weighed down or overwhelmed sounds better] with works the task to get of finding a job after graduation. Seeing her feel uneasy [worried] even though she was doing fine, I tried to come up with some ideas to encourage her. All I could do for her was let her know that every cloud has a silver lining.

    2)
    A text was jiggling [jiggling is used for gelatinous things-vibrating or buzzing is better] my cell phone last night. It said that she was under a lot of stress these days and would like to relieve stress relax over a drink with me. I found she had a hard time theses days is recently having a hard time. I guessed this is because she is a college senior and  should prepare stacks of things is filling out resumes for getting a job. Having seen her doing a good job but feeling uneasy Seeing that she works so diligently, but is greatly overwhelmed, I slept over how I could encourage her to bob cheer up. All I could do for her was just to help her look on the bright side.

    Please help me.
    Thanks!

     

    Blue are suggestions and red is a correction or rephrasing.

    In the second paragraph, I wasn't sure what 'stacks of things' you were speaking of, so I guessed you mean she's filling out resumes. If I'm wrong, please let me know! Also, you wrote 'to bob up'. I guess you're thinking of someone's head bobbing up out of water. In English, it is more natural to write 'to cheer up'.

    I like how you frequently provide two versions of the same story. In each, you make sure to vary your word choice and use English idioms, analogies, and slang. Very nicely done!

    A text was jiggling my cell phone last night. Last night, my cellphone jiggled me as a text message came through. It said The message said that she was under a lot of stress these days and would like to relieve stress some relaxation over a drink with me. I found find that she had is having a hard time theses days. I guessed suppose that being this is because she is a college senior and should prepare stacks of things for getting a job is stressing her out. Having seen her doing a good job but feeling uneasy, I slept over how I could encourage her to bob up Though she is doing fine but she is not sure of herself. I wanted to help but all I could do for her was just help to tell her to look on the bright side. 


    Please help me.
    Thanks!

    (38) I truly want to improve my writing skills. I'd love to have your help.

    1)
    Last night, my cellphone was vibrating with as a text message came throughlast night. She was getting stressed out and wanted to shake it off destress/relax over a drink with me. I found her struggling ill at ease particularly theses days. As a college senior, she appeared to be have been bombarded with works things/stuff/everything in order to get a job after graduation. Seeing her like this made me feel uneasy even though she was doing fine. I tried to come coming up with some ideas to encourage her. In the end, all I could do for her was let her know that every cloud has a silver lining.

    (38) I truly want to improve my writing skills. I'd love to have your help.

    1)
    My cellphone was vibrating with a text message last night. She was getting stressed out and wanted to shake it off over a drink with me. I found her struggling particularly theses days. As a college senior, she appeared to have been bombarded with works to get a job after graduation. Seeing her feel uneasy even though she was doing fine, I tried to come up with some ideas to encourage her. All I could do for her was let her know every cloud has a silver lining.

    2)
    A text was jiggling my cell phone last night. It said that she was under a lot of stress these days and would like to relieve stress over a drink with me. I found she had a hard time theses days. I guessed this is because she is a college senior and should prepare stacks of things for getting a job. Having seen her doing a good job but feeling uneasy, I slept over how I could encourage her to bob up. All I could do for her was just help her look on the bright side.

    Please help me.
    Thanks!

    (38) I truly want to improve my writing skills. I'd love to have your help.

    1)
    My cellphone was vibrating with a text message last night. She was getting stressed out and wanted to shake it off over a drink with me. I found her struggling particularly theses days. As a college senior, she appeared to have been bombarded with works to get a job after graduation. Seeing her feel uneasy even though she was doing fine, I tried to come up with some ideas to encourage her. All I could do for her was let her know every cloud has a silver lining.

    2)
    A text was jiggling my cell phone last night. It said that she was under a lot of stress these days and would like to relieve stress over a drink with me. I found she had a hard time theses days. I guessed this is because she is a college senior and should prepare with stacks of things for getting a job. Having seen her doing a good job but feeling uneasy, I slept over. How could i encourage her to bob up? All I could do for her was just help her look on the bright side.

    Please help me.
    Thanks!

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