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Turkish analysis - Justin Bieber ISTANBUL One Less Lonely Girl

I pulled a random comment off a video of Justin Bieber performing in Turkey. I took a comment that has 2 thumbs up, so I suspect it has good grammar and uses regular Turkish.

I broke it up like so:

Bu kız tam gerizekalı
ben olsam ağlardım
hadi ağlamadım diyelim
en azından 32 diş gülerdim.
bu resmen saçımdan uzak dur Justin olmuş

So I'd like to analyse this comment to help me learn new sentence constructions.

Bu kız tam gerizekalı - this girl is a complete retard.
That's my best translation. This is a pretty simple one to me and I'm not asking for any explanation other than is "tam gerizekali" commonly used and are there alternatives I should know? (I'm a 22 year old girl, so anything that would be used by my age group would be helpful)

ben olsam ağlardım - I would have cried.
So, I don't understand the usage of "olsam" here. I think it means "to be" and the ending of "sam" to make it conditional. As in, "if I had become [in this state], I cried".
It looks to me like you use the past tense for the verb that you would have done, but "to cry" is ağlamak, so what is ağlarmak? Is this just a typo?

Similarly, if you are saying if you did something you would have cried, does the root+sam apply to every verb? e.g. ben gitsem ağlardim? (If I went I would have cried, I think)

hadi ağlamadım diyelim - okay, let's say I didn't cry.
The only new one here is diyelim, specifically the "-lim" suffix. I see people write "konusalim" to me (let's talk) a lot but I've never really known the usage of this suffix otherwise. Is it the same for everyone? The root+lim? Gidelim (let's go), yiyelim (let's eat)?

en azından 32 diş gülerdim - I laughed... 32 teeth.
I don't really understand this one so much. I recognise the past tense of "laughed" (gulerdim) but I don't recognise "en azindan", nor the usage of 32 dis with gulerdim.

bu resmen saçımdan uzak dur Justin olmuş - ??
I have no idea what this means. I don't recognise ANY of it, apart from "bu" (this) and "dur" (stop). A full explanation would be great!

Thanks so much and I hope we'll have fun deconstructing this rather bitchy comment :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ji4Bt7Ka

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    Corrections

    No matter how much I would like to help someone who is learning Turkish, i wouldnt watch justin's video for anyone :) Therefore, i will translate these words for you, without watching the video.

     

    Bu kız tam gerizekalı 

    ben olsam ağlardım
    hadi ağlamadım diyelim
    en azından 32 diş gülerdim.
    bu resmen saçımdan uzak dur Justin olmuş

    So I'd like to analyse this comment to help me learn new sentence constructions.

    Bu kız tam gerizekalı - this girl is a complete retard. CORRECT, after all we dont expect too much from bieber fans.

    ben olsam ağlardım - I would have cried, if i was her (meaning if i was in her shoes)

    this sentence is written in subjonctive, probably you are not familiar with it
    "to cry" = ağlamak 

    hadi ağlamadım diyelim - okay, let's say I didn't cry.

    en azından 32 diş gülerdim - I would have laughed showing my 32 teeth. It is an idiom. While laughing, i open my mouth so wide that all my teeth are visible

    bu resmen saçımdan uzak dur Justin olmuş - this turned into "stay away from my hair, justin" or, this is more like "stay away from my hair, justin"

     

     

    Beni Justinle ilgili cumleler kurmaya iten kader utansin...

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