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think you sentence is pretty perfect, but if you say "ฉันอยากเรียนภาษาไทยค่ะ" It would be better :)
First of all..
ฉัน is a pronoun for female
and ผม is a pronoun for male
second of all...
We usually end the sentences with "ค่ะ" or "ครับ"
ค่ะ is for female
and ครับ is for male
The verb "Want" in Thai we have like.. อยาก and ต้องการ
but in my opinion, The word "อยาก" is better to use here, cause it means "want"
and "ต้องการ" means you really, really want it, you need it.. something like that :)
well done! :)
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