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The annoying fly
I was on shopping last Friday and bought a shirt.
There's no need for double on, that's repeating in a single sentence.
When I got home and put on the shirt, me there was a gaping hole between my shirt buttons which was right on the bust area.
When you wrote I, there's no need to write me, as it's not necessay.
I placed a comma (,) after the shirt to create a pause
The key to fluency is less words.
When you said space, you meant a gaping hole right?
So I tried to sew a press button between that two buttons.
While I was sewing the press button a fly was flying around me landed on my arm and bit me.
I made a mistake while I was sewing the press button because that fly annoyed me a lot.
That caused me to sew each part of press button two times (the press button contains two parts).
The explanation of (the press button...) flows better in this sentence at the end.
This is through experience of reading.
When I sewed the press button again and again I careleslly stuck several times my fingers by a needle.
I don’t like flies! Thank you for reading my second story.
I really can sence the great annoyance from the fly!
Overall the story message is clear.
However, what can be worked on are the structure in place and the vocabulary to express in the right manner.
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