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Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas 的一段. 请改一下!

I try to improve my Chinese by translating easy readings.
I want to start with Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I attach both original text and the translated one.
Please pay attention to and correct only the Chinese text.
Source text may be helpful if something I've written in Chinese is completely incomprehensible.

Halloweentown's Scariest Skeleton

"I scare people every year, Zero" Jack Skellington said quietly to his dog.
"It's boring and I'm tired."

On October 31 everybody in Halloweentown was excited. Halloween night was the most important night of their year and they were all afraid. Dead people came up from under the ground. Thirsty vampires happily drank a lot of blood. Ugly old witches changed some people into cats and other people into fish. Everybody ran from the skeletons, from the sound of their long, thin arms and legs. Black cats jumped in and out of trash cans. Black birds flew through the dark sky with loud, high cries. And Jack Skellington sang his scary songs and danced his dangerous dances. People screamed. They were afraid. They loved it.

万圣夜城市最可怕的骷髅怪物

<<我每年都吓人, Zero>> Jack Skellington 悄悄地对他的狗说.
<<吓人好无聊, 我太累了>>

10月31日万圣夜城市的人都很兴奋.
对他们来说万圣夜是全年最重要的一夜. 他们都很害怕.
死人从地下上来.
渴僵尸欢欢喜喜地吸血.
老丑的巫婆把些人改为猫和鱼.
大家都被骷髅干瘦的手腿的声音吓跑了.

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    Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas 的一段. 请改一下!

    I try to improve my Chinese by translating easy readings.
    I want to start with Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.

    I attach both original text and the translated one.
    Please pay attention to and correct only the Chinese text.
    Source text may be helpful if something I've written in Chinese is completely incomprehensible.

    Halloweentown's Scariest Skeleton

    "I scare people every year, Zero" Jack Skellington said quietly to his dog.
    "It's boring and I'm tired."

    On October 31 everybody in Halloweentown was excited. Halloween night was the most
    important night of their year and they were all afraid. Dead people came up from under the ground. Thirsty vampires happily drank a lot of blood. Ugly old witches changed some people into cats and other people into fish. Everybody ran from the skeletons, from the sound of their long, thin arms and legs. Black cats jumped in and out of trash cans. Black birds flew through the dark sky with loud, high cries. And Jack Skellington sang his scary songs and danced his dangerous dances. People screamed. They were afraid. They loved it.

    万圣夜城市最可怕的骷髅怪物

    <<我每年都吓人, Zero>> Jack Skellington 悄悄地对他的狗说.
    <<吓人好无聊, 我太累了已经厌倦了>> 


    10月31日住在万圣夜城市的人都很兴奋. 

    对他们来说万圣夜是全年最重要的一夜是一年中最重要的一个夜晚. 他们都很害怕. 

    死人从地下上来.
    僵尸欢欢喜喜肆无忌惮地吸血. 

    巫婆把些人变成了猫和鱼. 

    大家都被骷髅细长,干瘦的手以及发出的声音吓跑了.
    good writing,at least u translate them exactly into Chinese,but literature is very hard to translate,u need to change some characters into very beautiful words to make readers enjoy the story.So there's a long way u need to go,good luck!

    Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas 的一段. 请改一下!

    I try to improve my Chinese by translating easy readings.
    I want to start with Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.

    I attach both original text and the translated one.
    Please pay attention to and correct only the Chinese text.
    Source text may be helpful if something I've written in Chinese is completely incomprehensible.

    Halloweentown's Scariest Skeleton

    "I scare people every year, Zero" Jack Skellington said quietly to his dog.
    "It's boring and I'm tired."

    On October 31 everybody in Halloweentown was excited. Halloween night was the most important night of their year and they were all afraid. Dead people came up from under the ground. Thirsty vampires happily drank a lot of blood. Ugly old witches changed some people into cats and other people into fish. Everybody ran from the skeletons, from the sound of their long, thin arms and legs. Black cats jumped in and out of trash cans. Black birds flew through the dark sky with loud, high cries. And Jack Skellington sang his scary songs and danced his dangerous dances. People screamed. They were afraid. They loved it.

    万圣夜城市最可怕的骷髅骨骼怪物 [骨骼 is better since 骷髅 can also mean a skull.  The Official Chinese title is 聖誕夜驚魂]

    <<「我每年都吓人, Zero零零 >> Jack Skellington 骨骼傑克[It will be great if you can get hold of the movie with Chinese subtitles to see how they do it and compare.] 悄悄地对他的狗说.
    <<吓人好无聊, 我太累了」>>

    10月31日万圣夜城市的人都很兴高彩烈.
    对他们来说万圣夜是全年最重要的一夜. 他们都很害怕.
    死人从地下上来.
    吸血僵尸欢欢喜喜地血.
    的巫婆把些人变成为猫而其他為鱼. [Your way retranslated is "... turn into cats and dogs"]
    大家都被骷髅骸骨精又長又瘦的手声音吓跑了.

     

    Black cats jumped in and out of trash cans.

    黑貓從垃圾桶躍跳出入.

    Black birds flew through the dark sky with loud, high cries.

    黑鳥空中飛翔, 声音高叫.

    And Jack Skellington sang his scary songs and danced his dangerous dances.

    骨骼傑克在唱他的驚魂歌曲, 跳他的險殆的舞蹈.

    People screamed. They were afraid. They loved it.

    人类喊叫.他们惶恐.他们雀躍喜愛.


    Your Chinese is very good!  We all need to improve our vocabulary and idioms to express tone and feel of the original.  It is indeed a great way to learn a language through translation.  Only in such exercises does one get the subtle feel of both languages.  Great work!


    Here's an except: http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/mBeBFYYZMtk/


    Remember translating as subtitles is very very different from formal translations because of scarcity of real estate space.

    Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas 的一段. 请改一下!

    I try to improve my Chinese by translating easy readings.
    I want to start with Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas.

    I attach both original text and the translated one.
    Please pay attention to and correct only the Chinese text.
    Source text may be helpful if something I've written in Chinese is completely incomprehensible.

    Halloweentown's Scariest Skeleton

    "I scare people every year, Zero" Jack Skellington said quietly to his dog.
    "It's boring and I'm tired."

    On October 31 everybody in Halloweentown was excited. Halloween night was the most important night of their year and they were all afraid. Dead people came up from under the ground. Thirsty vampires happily drank a lot of blood. Ugly old witches changed some people into cats and other people into fish. Everybody ran from the skeletons, from the sound of their long, thin arms and legs. Black cats jumped in and out of trash cans. Black birds flew through the dark sky with loud, high cries. And Jack Skellington sang his scary songs and danced his dangerous dances. People screamed. They were afraid. They loved it.

    万圣夜城市最可怕的骷髅怪物

    <<我每年都吓人, Zero>> Jack Skellington 悄悄地对他的狗说.
    <<吓人好无聊, 我太累了>>

    10月31日万圣夜城市的人都很兴奋.
    对他们来说万圣夜是/全年最重要的一夜. 他们都很害怕. (我认为说“一年”更好,“全年” 也是没有错误的)
    死人从地下上来.
    饥渴的僵尸欢欢喜喜地吸血.
    的巫婆把些人为猫和鱼.
    大家都被骷髅干瘦的手及拉长的声音吓跑了.

     

    你写得内容我都能看懂,我认为修改以后表达得更清楚一些。 

    你的中文很不错,加油!

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