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My poem

Without your eye ... I will die
Without your smile ... I will dry
I love you .. I can't deny
I love you ... don't ask why
When i see you ... I feel shy
Cause you know ... just by your eye

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    Corrections

    My Poem

     

    Without your eyes... I surely will die
    Without your smile... I will My limpid pools will be dry
    I love you... This I can't cannot deny
    I love you thee... But don't ask why I prefer, "But ask not why"
    When I Upon seeing you... I feel shy
    Cause This you must know... just by the sparkles of your eyes


    1.  If you use "eye" you are implying that she is half blind!  Even if this is the case, you should not write this.  She can be sensitive about her blind eye.


    2.  "Limpid pools" is a poetic way of saying eyes.  I don't like using the same word too many times.


    3.  To be able to write poetry and get a rhyming scheme shows you are at the threshold of moving another notch in your quest to master the language.

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