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A poem in Serbian / Pesma na srpskom

Would appreciate if you checked it for grammar + word usage!

To veče ljiljani.
Hajdemo u baštu zajedno!
Mladi trava će biti meka
Pod našim nogama.

Noć pada polako,
Miris ljiljana je u vetru.
Daj da šapuću pesmu za tebe,
Pesma čiste, slatke ljubavi.

Zora dolazi tako brzo
Ali tvoji oči sjaj kao zvezde.
Moje usne su kao ruže u ujutru.
Uzmi ih za sebe.

Thanks!

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    A poem in Serbian / Pesma na srpskom

    Would appreciate if you checked it for grammar + word usage!

    To veče ljiljani. (It doesn't have any sense, explain me in English what did you want to tell us) 
    Hajdemo u baštu zajedno!
    Mlada (grass is a femenine)  i trava će biti meka
    Pod našim nogama.

    Noć pada polako,
    Miris ljiljana je u vetru.
    Daj da šapuću pesmu za tebe,
    Pesme  a čiste, slatke ljubavi. (if you wanna use "čiste, slatke" it means you wanna use a plural, so that's why I put "pesme". In the opposite you'd be obligated to change everything. In singular, it's going to be: "Pesmu čistu,slatku, ljubavi")

    Zora dolazi tako brzo
    Ali tvoji oči sjaje (or you can also say: "sijaju")  kao zvezde.
    Moje usne su kao ruže u zoru (zora - early morning, dawn - svitanje) /  ujutru (If you wanted to say: in the morning , then this "u" is going to dissappear.  So: you are not going to say U UJUTRU, but you are going to say simply UJUTRU) .
    Uzmi ih za sebe.

    Thanks! 

     

    Nice job, keep it up.

    A poem in Serbian / Pesma na srpskom

    Would appreciate if you checked it for grammar + word usage!

    To veče ljiljani. (Could not catch the meaning of it).
    Hajdemo u baštu zajedno!
    Mlada trava će biti meka
    Pod našim nogama.

    Noć pada polako,
    Miris ljiljana je u vetru.
    Daj da šapuću pesmu za tebe,
    Pesmu čiste, slatke ljubavi.

    Zora dolazi tako brzo
    Ali  tvoje oči sijaju/sjaje (sjaj) kao zvezde.
    Moje usne su kao ruže u ujutru.
    Uzmi ih za sebe.

    Thanks!

    Super !

    Kamenko

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