Get To Watch The Dentist-去看牙醫

When I'm was a child my teeth were not healthy until I grew up.
It was because I liked to eat candy, however every child loves candy.
Now I need go to see the dentist.
The doctor is form Hong Kong, and is very nice.
Before I was scared to go to any dentist, until met him, I have good luck.
當我還是一個小孩的時候我的牙齒就不健康一直到我長大。
因為我喜歡吃糖果，但是糖過是每個小朋友所喜愛的。
現在我需要去看牙醫。
那個醫生來自香港，是個很好的人。
以前我會害怕看任何牙醫，直到遇見他，我真是好運氣。

從你中文而翻譯.

Get To Watch The Dentist-去看牙醫

When I'm a chld my tooths are not health until I'm grow up.
Because I like ate candy, however candy is every child love.
Now I need get to watch the dentist.
The doctor his form Hong Kong, and very nice.
Befor I well scared watch any dentist, until meet him, I'm have a good luck.

當我還是一個小孩的時候我的牙齒就不健康一直到我長大。When I was a child, my teeth are not healthy until I had grown up.  你句式正確, 只是拼寫, 時間文法有錯.
因為我喜歡吃糖果，但是糖過是每個小朋友所喜愛的。 This is because I love candy and every child loves it. [你翻譯的小朋友非常正確, 在這情況下不能譯為 "little friend"]
現在我需要去看牙醫。 Now I have to see the dentist.
那個醫生來自香港，是個很好的人。 That dentist is from Hong Kong, a very nice man.
以前我會害怕看任何牙醫，Before I was afraid/scared to see any dentist.

直到遇見他，我真是好運氣。Now that I have seen him, I feel very lucky.

"直到" 在這情况下不能譯成 "Until"因為它合有未見到的意思. 如果定要用 Until, 字句要改成這样, Until I had met him, I DON'T feel lucky.

從你的英文中的意來修改.

Get To Watch Went to The Dentist-去看牙醫 [直接翻譯在英文是錯表意, 你也要知 watch 與 see 的分別, 同样, hear 與 listen]

When I'm was a child my tooths teeth are not healthy until I'm all grown up.

Because However, I like ate [英文中是多餘又太明顯, 中文要用 "吃" ] candy, however candy and is a love for every child love.
Now I need get to watch to the dentist. The doctor He his form from Hong Kong, [逗符不須要在此而看得不順眼]and very nice.
Before I well was scared watch to see any dentist; that is until meeting him. I'm have a good luck.

當我還是一個小孩的時候我的牙齒就不健康一直到我長大。
因為我喜歡吃糖果，但是糖過是每個小朋友所喜愛的。
現在我需要去看牙醫。
那個醫生來自香港，是個很好的人。
以前我會害怕看任何牙醫，直到遇見他，我真是好運氣。