CRYSTAL BONES (Part one)

Michel came from an Italian-French family with a music background. He spent all his childhood putted into in a plaster cast, shuttled between home and hospital. He was affected by osteogenesis imperfecta, a genetic desease that causes brittle bones. The effort that his mother made to give his birth to him broke all his bones. He used to watch television all days every day and one night, when he was only four, he saw a Duke Ellington’s concert. From that moment he only wished to play the piano. His family was not so rich and his parents couldn’t buy it afford a piano. One day his mother gave him a toy piano toy. He started to play it, but he didn’t like that its sound that was completely different from what you have he had heard on TV. He was so angry that he demolished it by with a hammer; he wanted a real one. When finally his father bought him a real one, he took piano lessons for ten years until he took earned a music degree. He played the piano for ten hours a day and felt as if it were for only ten minutes. His hands were the only things in his body that didn’t break. They were quite big, strong, and agiles. He understood that they were the only things that could let him to build his life and didn’t suffer his disease. For Because of his short stature he couldn’t reach the pedals, so his father built a special wooden device for him. When he was eighteen, alone and unable to walk, he went to United States, the place where jazz music was born. There he was successful in becoming one of the greatest piano players in the world and played with all the best musicians.

CRYSTAL BONES (Part one)

Michel came from an Italian-French family with a music background. He spent all his childhood <s>putted into</s> in a plaster cast, between home and hospital. He was affected by Osteogenesis Imperfecta, a genetic <s>desease</s> disease that causes brittle bones. The effort that his mother made to give <s>his</s> birth broke all his bones. He used to watch television all day<s>s</s> and one night, when he was only four, he saw a Duke Ellington’s concert. From that moment on he only wished to play the piano. His family was not <s>so </s>very rich and his parents couldn’t buy <s>it</s> a piano. One day his mother gave him a toy piano. He started to play it but he didn’t like its sound that was completely different from what you <s>have heard</s> would hear on TV. He was so angry that he demolished <s>it by an</s> the toy piano using a hammer; he wanted a real <s>one </s>piano. When <s>finally</s> his father finally bought him a real one, he took piano lessons for ten years until he <s>took</s> went to school to get a music degree. He played the piano for ten hours a day, but to him it felt like only ten minutes. <s>and felt it was for only ten minutes</s>. His hands <s>are</s> were the only <s>things in</s> part of his body that didn’t break. They were quite big, and strong. (I could not tell what this word was àagiles.) He understood that they were the only <s>ones</s> part of his body that could let him to build his life and didn’t suffer <s>his desease </s>from the disease. For his short stature he couldn’t reach the pedals, so his father built a special wooden device for him. When he was eighteen, alone and unable to walk, he went to United States, the place where Jazz music was born; there he was successful in becoming one of the greatest piano <s>player</s> players in the world and <s>playing</s> played with all the best musicians.

Luca I really, really enjoyed reading this story and I look forward to seeing future parts! I did make a few corrections of things that I thought needed to be corrected. I hope you found my corrections helpful and please as always let me know if you have any questions, I would be more than happy to help you.

Here are few things I noticed, that you might watch for:

1. Capitalization-Remember that proper nouns such as names of languages, or types of music for example need to start with a capitol letter

2. Spelling-If you can run a spell check on your computer, that might help in spelling mistakes, another option I use if I don’t run spell check on my computer when I type documents is the Internet, I suggest Googling words you are having trouble spelling

3. Word Placement-Watch for where you place cretin words, if you misplace just a few words in a sentence the sentence and the rest of the story might become confusing to some readers

4. Word Usage-Be careful of cretin words you use such as “it”, or “one” those words (and other similar words) are too generic (meaning not specific enough) to be used often and should be using sparingly

5. Punctuation-Be mindful of how you punctuate sentences, if you miss-punctuate a sentence, the sentence can become confusing to the reader

Other than these few minor mistakes I thought your story was very well written and I can’t wait to read future parts, keep up the great work!