Lisa
Unforgettable Picnic. William and Marjory with their two young children, went for a picnic on a lovely beach. They locked their car and left it on the nearest road. The children had a wonderful time swimming and building sandcastles. At sunset, when they wanted to go home, William coudn't find the key of his car. He soon realized that it must have dropped out of his trouser pocket, and was now buried in the sand on the beach. The whole family searched for it, but in vain. William tried to open the car with a stick but it was useless. They have got nothing to do, only go to home on foot. They were walking three miles in dark when finally saw a bus stop. What a score for them! One hour passed. No sight of a bus. William's children Mike and Anthony blubed loudly as they were racked with pain in legs. They all were tired a lot. William's wife and childred had fallen asleep when he saw a bus approaching. It was the bus to Concord. Thank God! While they were on the way to home, William was racking his brains how to open his car. Suddenly a thought has struck him that he could open the car with the keys of his old car - it was identical! They back home in the midnight and fell asleep in the moment. Next morning William reached the distination to the beach and opened the car with another key. When he sat in the vehicle he was about to cry that it was finally over. He fetched his breath and decided to walk on the beach. He got out of the car and saw something sparkling under the wheel of the automobile. He walked up and saw his lost key!
Apr 24, 2014 7:01 PM
Corrections · 3
1

Unforgettable Picnic.

William and Marjory went for a picnic on a lovely beach with their two young children [more natural order of clauses]. They locked their car and left it on the nearest road. The children had a wonderful time swimming and building sandcastles. At sunset, when they wanted to go home, William coudn't find the key of his car. He soon realized that it must have dropped out of his trouser pocket, and was now buried in the sand on the beach. The whole family searched for it, but in vain.
William tried to open the car with a stick but it was useless. They could do nothing [or, 'There was nothing else to do'] but go to home on foot.
They had walked three miles in the dark when they finally saw a bus stop. What a relief for them!
One hour passed. No sign of a bus [common collocation; another example: 'We searched for the boy for two hours, but there was no sign of him.']. William's children Mike and Anthony blubbed ['blub' is very colloquial; maybe better to say 'cried', 'wailed' or 'sobbed'] loudly as they were racked with pain in their legs. They were all very tired a lot. William's wife and childred had fallen asleep when he saw a bus approaching. It was the bus to Concord. Thank God!
While they were on the way to home, William was racking his brains about how to open his car. Suddenly a thought has struck him that he could open the car with the keys of his old car - it was identical!
They got back home at midnight and fell asleep in a moment.
Next morning William, reached the destination at the beach and opened the car with another key. When he got into the vehicle he was about to cry [or, 'he almost burst into tears' (idiom)] that it was finally over. He fetched his breath [maybe, 'he took a deep breath' or, 'he pulled himself together' (idiom)] and decided to walk on the beach. He got out of the car and saw something sparkling under the wheel of the automobile. He walked up and saw his lost key!

 

So, "All's well that ends well!" Excellent. You write very well!

May 9, 2014

Unforgettable Picnic.

William and Marjory with their two young children, went for a picnic on a lovely beach. They locked their car and left it on the nearest road. The children had a wonderful time swimming and building sandcastles. At sunset, when they wanted to go home, William coudn't find the key of his car. He soon realized that it must have dropped out of his trouser pocket, and was now buried in the sand on the beach. The whole family searched for it, but in vain.
William tried to open the car with a stick but it was useless. They have got nothing to do, only go to home on foot.
They were walking three miles in dark when finally saw a bus stop. What a score for them!
One hour passed. No sight of a bus. William's children Mike and Anthony blubed loudly as they were racked with pain in legs. They all were tired a lot. William's wife and childred had fallen asleep when he saw a bus approaching. It was the bus to Concord. Thank God!
While they were on the way to home, William was racking his brains how to open his car. Suddenly a thought has struck him that he could open the car with the keys of his old car - it was identical!
They back home in the midnight and fell asleep at the moment.
Next morning William reached the distination to the beach and opened the car with another key. When he sat in the vehicle he was about to cry that it was finally over. He fetched his breath and decided to walk on the beach. He got out of the car and saw something sparkling under the wheel of the automobile. He walked up and saw his lost key!

April 24, 2014
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