feloch
First note Hello, This is my first note, I have just joined Italki. From my point of view, this website seems to be very useful. I am not sure that every note receive a correction, but I hope so. I am a safety manager in a factory in France, I will be pleased to discuss about safety issues with other safety manager from all other the world. However I really want to discuss many topics as sport, book or TV shows. I play tennis, I enjoy boxing and horse riding and I read a lot of different books. I also have a 9 months baby. I have just corrected my first note, I hope I did it well. I am looking forward reading your correction.
Jul 12, 2014 5:07 PM
Corrections · 3

First note

Hello,
This is my first note. I have just joined Italki. From my point of view, this website seems to be very useful. I am not sure that every note will receive a correction, but I hope so.
I am a safety manager in a factory in France, and I will be pleased to discuss about* safety issues with other safety managers from all other over the world. However, I really want to discuss many topics such as sports, books or TV shows. I play tennis, I enjoy boxing and horse riding, and I read a lot of different books. I also have a 9 months old baby.
I have just corrected my first note. I hope I did it well.
I am looking forward to reading your correction.

 

*to discuss about is not right in this sentence, but it is possible to find sentences with "to discuss about. It doesn't mean the same thing though.  "I would like to discuss about 20 different topics" is an example of this.  It means the same thing as "I would like to discuss approximately 20 different topics."

 I would suggest saying "I will be pleased to discuss safety issues..."

I would also suggest to keep practicing with puncuation. You are doing ok for most of it, but there are some commas that should be periods.  If the sentence can be read alone and it makes sense, then it probably should be a period.  If you want to join two full sentences together with a comma, then you need to use a conjunction (and, but, or, since, because, etc)

Anyway, welcome to italki.  I hope this helps

July 12, 2014
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