Galaxy
Night 黑夜 诗. 老实说我酷爱诗。我自己很少造诗因为觉得挺难写,不过有时候我试试写因为会伸展我语言能力的范围。翻译诗也挺难不但因为要保留原本的意思,而且让翻译的诗也能被人感动。 评估这首诗时请先了解,我目的不是得到真确的翻译,而是得到很近的意思也能让人感动。 Poetry. To be honest I love it. I don't write much myself as it is so hard however now and then I have a bash as I know it will really stretch the limits of my language ability. Translating poetry not only has the difficulty of retaining the meaning of the original but also the difficulty of making it good poetry in the target language! So when reviewing this please do not think my objective is to get a literal translation. My objective is to get a "close" translation but still be a moving piece in Chinese. I lose myself in the stars I dissolve into space Free from my body, my mind remains I surge, flow, soar A wild ride of emotions Boundaries are tested Waves of pure feeling Enveloping me 在星星内迷失了自我 溶解成宇宙 摆脱肉体,神志还在 涌动, 流动, 翱翔 疯狂滚动的感情 界限测试 波里的情怀纯正 笼罩
Jul 20, 2014 3:01 PM
Corrections · 11

Night 黑夜

诗. 老实说, 我爱诗。我自己很少诗因为觉得难写,不过有时候雅兴一触, 就会想揮发试试写因为会伸展我语言能力的范围。翻译诗也挺难不但难于因为要保留原本的滋味与意思且让翻译的诗要在译语环境灵活能被人感动。 


评估这首诗时请先了解,当你反思此首诗时, 请不要以为我目的是直接不是得到真确的翻译,而是維持其中的诗情画意.得到很近的意思也能让人感动

Poetry. To be honest I love it. I don't write much myself as it is so hard however now and then I have a bash as I know it will really stretch the limits of my language ability. Translating poetry not only has the difficulty of retaining the meaning of the original but also the difficulty of making it good poetry in the target language!

So when reviewing this please do not think my objective is to get a literal translation. My objective is to get a "close" translation but still be a moving piece in Chinese.

 

My version :)

I lose myself in the stars                           星中自失去
I dissolve into space                                  溶化太空裡
Free from my body, my mind remains        脫胎神志存
I surge, flow, soar                                     湧流飛騰上
A wild ride of emotions                              心緒狂波浪
Boundaries are tested                                邊疆試一探
Waves of pure feeling                                遠近有何異 [added for tradition's penchant for even lines]
Enveloping me                                          鎖在真情內


Nice :)


在星星内迷失了自我               
溶解成宇宙                          
摆脱肉体,神志还在              
涌动, 流动, 翱翔                    
疯狂滚动的感情                    
界限测试                              
波里的情怀纯正
笼罩


 

July 21, 2014

中国古代的诗词很吸引人的。我喜欢宋词,尤其喜欢苏东坡的词。比如说:"十年生死两茫茫。不思量,自难忘。千里孤坟、无处话凄凉。纵使相逢应不识、尘满面,鬓如霜。 夜来幽梦忽还乡。小轩窗,正梳妆。相顾无言,惟有泪千行,料得年年断肠处,明月夜,短松冈。"

July 22, 2014

Night 黑夜

诗. 老实说我酷爱诗。我自己很少造诗因为觉得挺难写,不过有时候我试试写因为会伸展我语言能力的范围。翻译诗也挺难不但因为要保留原本的意思,而且让翻译的诗也能被人感动。

评估这首诗时请先了解,我目的不是得到真确的翻译,而是得到很近的意思也能让人感动。

Poetry. To be honest I love it. I don't write much myself as it is so hard however now and then I have a bash as I know it will really stretch the limits of my language ability. Translating poetry not only has the difficulty of retaining the meaning of the original but also the difficulty of making it good poetry in the target language!

So when reviewing this please do not think my objective is to get a literal translation. My objective is to get a "close" translation but still be a moving piece in Chinese.

I lose myself in the stars
I dissolve into space
Free from my body, my mind remains
I surge, flow, soar
A wild ride of emotions
Boundaries are tested
Waves of pure feeling
Enveloping me

在星星内迷失了自我
溶解成宇宙
摆脱肉体,神志还在
涌动, 流动, 翱翔
疯狂滚动的感情
界限测试
波里的情怀纯正 
笼罩

 

①i think 写诗 maybe more softer than 造诗

②and put 因为 and of 不但 might be better。because 因为 "impact on" both 不但 and 而且

 

你对这首诗的翻译很棒,尤其是你使用了一些高级的汉语词汇,尤其是“摆脱肉体,神智还在”这一句,我认为它非常贴切。hm..我也试着翻译了一下这首诗,其中引用了一部分你的翻译成果(希望你不会介意)。。我们可以通过这种方式交流思想,,,或是学习语言。

in addition,your translation of the poem is really nice...especially 涌动 翱翔 情怀 笼罩,etc these advanced chinese words...in particular,"摆脱肉体,神智还在" is both close and exact,i think
and...it's ashamed that i aslo try to transalte it into chinese and quote your version(hope you don't mind it) ...we can exchange thoughts and ...learn words via this way ^_^
here it is.

迷失于星辰,

溶解于宇宙,

肉体放逐,而意念犹存。

一股的强烈情感在我的胸腔中

涌动,畅游,翱翔。

感触到了边界

波涛里的纯正情怀

将我吞噬 ,笼罩

July 21, 2014

Night 黑夜

诗. 老实说我酷爱诗。我自己很少寫诗因为觉得挺难写,不过有时候我嘗试写因为会擴展我语言能力的范围。翻译诗也挺难,因为不但要保留原本的意思,而且要让翻译的诗也能感动人。 

評論这首诗时请先了解,我目的不是得到真确的翻译,而是得到很相近的意思也能让人感动。

Poetry. To be honest I love it. I don't write much myself as it is so hard however now and then I have a bash as I know it will really stretch the limits of my language ability. Translating poetry not only has the difficulty of retaining the meaning of the original but also the difficulty of making it good poetry in the target language!

So when reviewing this please do not think my objective is to get a literal translation. My objective is to get a "close" translation but still be a moving piece in Chinese.

I lose myself in the stars
I dissolve into space
Free from my body, my mind remains
I surge, flow, soar
A wild ride of emotions
Boundaries are tested
Waves of pure feeling
Enveloping me

在星星中迷失了自我
溶化為宇宙
摆脱形体,神志还在
涌动, 流动, 翱翔
疯狂滚动的感情
界限测试
波里的情怀纯粹
笼罩

July 23, 2014
是的
July 22, 2014
Show more
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!