I'm looking for a job :) Hello everyone,I'm molly,I graduated from collage this summer. Actually,my major is Industrial Design,but I thought I am not good at it. So I delivered many resumes to fi

Molly

I'm looking for a job :) Hello everyone,I'm molly,I graduated from collage this summer. Actually,my major is Industrial Design,but I thought I am not good at it. So I delivered many resumes to find a job about Illustration. Few days ago,one illustration company which is in Chengdu contacted me.they said they are the biggest company of illustration in China. At the beginning,they gave me a quiz,that drawing a picture about animals in 4 hours with color pencil. Next day I finished the picture,then they talked with me on the video.One thing disappointed me was the pay is very low at the beginning.if I work very hard in next 4~5 years, the salary only can be 4000+ RMB. And Chengdu is very far from my hometown, after Wenchuan Earthquake,some negative effects came out.Although I think it's a safe and beautiful city,but my family do not agree with me. As a result,my family didn't allow me to go to there,I don't want my family to worry about me so much,so I gave up. Now I delivering resumes to other company. I'm sorry for Chengdu.I will visit you in the future. ;) This is the picture,hope you like it.Have a good day~~

Jul 28, 2014 2:52 PM

Corrections · 4

Molly, you are a skilled illustrator. I really like your drawing. I assume that you used photos to guide you as you sketched. I can see that you could have a future as an illustrator for books and magazines. Unfortunately, as you discovered, entry-level jobs in that field do not pay very well. (And by the way, I have been to Chengdu and it IS a beautiful city.)

As for your essay, there are some very basic things you must learn to bring your writing up to a higher standard. Rather than re-write the whole essay, I will teach one important guideline.

There are 2 types of clauses in writing:

(1) an independent clause, which can stand alone as a complete sentence, and

(2) a dependent clause, which cannot stand alone as a sentence.

You can join a dependent clause and an independent clause with just a comma between them. However, if you want to join 2 independent clauses, you must use a 'joining word' after the comma.

Using this rule we can rewrite the beginning of your essay in two ways ...

Hello everyone, I'm Molly. I graduated from college this summer.

Hello everyone, I'm Molly, and I graduated from college this summer.

The phrase 'Hello everyone' is a dependent clause and cannot stand alone, but it can be joined with the next independent clause ('I'm Molly.') with just a comma.

The phrase 'I graduated from college this summer' is an independent clause -- a complete sentence by itself, and so it can only be joined with the phrase 'I'm Molly' by using a joining word ... such as 'and'.

You DID use a joining word correctly in the next sentence:

Actually, my major is Industrial Design, but I think I am not good at it.

I'm sure you're familiar with other joining words, such as 'so', 'because', and 'however'. I hope this very basic rule will help you in future writings.

Good luck in your job search!

July 30, 2014