sudeep
House of Correction (Essay) Some people believe that punishment is the only purpose of prisons, while others believe that prisons exist for various reasons. Discuss both views and give your opinion. There are two prevailing views regarding the use of prisons. First one states that punishment is the sole purpose of prison. However, second one argues that prison could be used for other functions. I am going to discuss both views, while I am in favor of using prison as a correction centre, where many life skills could be learnt and taught. On the one hand, jail could serve the purpose of punishing wrong doers. Punishment as a revenge could be in the form of coercion, torture, harassment, or other stern actions. These might be applied to punish the guilty so that other defaulters are discouraged. For example, in Nepal, during, the Rana regime, democracy fighters were kept inside the jail without any facilities, where most of them died due to communicable diseases. In that era, prison was utilized for punishment only. On the other hand, prison could be used for various purposes. The tasks could range from vocational training to research activities. For instance, the concept of open correction centre is emerging these days, where convicts are not held in custody. They are monitored for their activities from outside so that social harmony is maintained, and it helps to reduce crime rates drastically. In my opinion, teaching and learning activities could be facilitated at the prison, which develops capacity of the prisoners. The setback can be positively utilized by the prisoners by sincerely learning, sharing, improving and delivering something to the local market with their skill and hard work inside the correction centre, or jail. Last year, there was news that followed prisoner, who could buy a small plot of land from the income generated by selling crafts produced inside the prison. In conclusion, prisons are functioning as a punishment centre in some places, whereas, in other places, they are delivering some goods to the local consumers by using the skills inside the correction centre. I absolutely agree and recommend that jails could be developed as a correction centre, from where all stakeholders could benefit.
Jul 29, 2014 9:20 AM
Corrections · 10
1

House of Correction (Essay)

Some people believe that punishment is the only purpose of prisons, while others believe that prisons exist for various reasons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are two prevailing views regarding the use of prisons. The first one states that punishment is the sole purpose of prison. However, the second one argues that prison could be used for other functions. I am going to discuss both views, while I am in favor of using prison as a correction centre, where many life skills could be learnt and taught.

On the one hand, jail could serve the purpose of punishing wrong doers. Punishment as a revenge could be in the form of coercion, torture, harassment, or other stern actions. These might be applied to punish the guilty so that other defaulters are discouraged. For example, in Nepal, during, the Rana regime, democracy fighters were kept inside the jail without any facilities, where most of them died due to communicable diseases. (Using too many commas in one sentence. Think of a commma as containing a thought within a thought. You only want one in a sentence, or make two sentences.  Here is a nice link that explains it - http://www.myenglishteacher.net/usingcommas.html) In that era, prison was utilized for punishment only.

On the other hand, prison could be used for various purposes. The tasks could range from vocational training to research activities. For instance, the concept of an open correction centre (is this a British standard test? this spelling is not wrong but is used with a British standard. Center is used in America.) is emerging these days, where convicts are not held in custody. Their activities are monitored for their activities from outside so that social harmony is maintained, and it helps to reduce crime rates drastically. (A little stronger this way.)

In my opinion, teaching and learning activities could be facilitated at the prison, which develops the capacity (ability or potential?) of the prisoners. (I don't think capacity is the right word here. Capacity is defined as the maximum amount something can contain. It is not really used with people, unless modified by another descriptive adjective as in this example - the human capacity for evil. Do you mean potential? Try this link for synonyms - http://thesaurus.yourdictionary.com/capacity) The setback can be positively utilized by the prisoners by sincerely learning, sharing, improving and delivering something to the local market with their skill and hard work inside the correction centre, or jail. Last year, there was a news story that followed a prisoner, who was able to buy a small plot of land from the income generated by selling crafts produced while inside the prison.

In conclusion, prisons are functioning as a punishment centre in some places, whereas, in other places, they are delivering some goods to the local consumers by using the skills developed inside the correction centre. I absolutely agree and recommend that jails could be developed as a correction centre, from where all stakeholders could benefit.

 

This is an excellently written article. You needed very little correction. Nice job!

July 30, 2014
1

Your essay is quite well written and I am confident it will score you good marks. I am not an English teacher and therefore could not comment on what your score would be. I have suggested some corrections below for your thought. This is what I think is correct, please read them applying your own knowledge as well.

 

Your IELTS score would also depend on if you are writing the Academic or General version. Academic is mostly for doctors and other related purposes. General exam tends to be easier than Academic.

 

When writing essays, try to use more of :

Alliteration
Adjectives
Facts
Opinions
Repetition
Quotations
Rhetorical Questions
Exaggeration/Hyperbole
Flattery
Assertiveness
Similies
Short Sentences

 

These are also called "persuasive devices". 

 

 

As far as my understanding goes, I have noted the following:

 

*Try to use a semi-colom (;) and a colon (:) in your essay. Generally they will score you marks. Exclamation marks will also look good.

 

You could also you rhetorical questions. A rhetorical question is a question which does not require an answer. It makes the reader think. For example:

 

What if prisons help shape the lives of the prisoners while having a positive impact on the society?

 

*Consider the use of commas here

 

<em>For example, in Nepal, during, the Rana regime, democracy fighters were kept inside the jail without any facilities, where most of them died due to communicable diseases</em>

 

you definitely do not need a comma after "during"

 

*Think of a better way to phrase this:

 

<em>The tasks could range from vocational training to research activities.</em>

<em>
</em>

For example, you could say it like this:

 

Some possibilities include using prisons as vocational training centres and for research activities.

 

 

*Rephrase this sentence:

 

<em>Last year, there was news that followed prisoner, who could buy a small plot of land from the income generated by selling crafts produced inside the prison. </em>

<em>
</em>

Last year, there was news about a prisoner who managed to buy a plot of land from his income selling crafts made inside the prison.

<em>
</em>

<em>
</em>

<em>*</em>In the last couple of paragraphs, you seemed to have used the words "correction centres" quite a few times. Try and use alternative wording.

 

 

 

 

 

August 4, 2014
Dear Bruce, I am glad to receive your feedback. Could you pin-point my errors above? That would be highly beneficial at IELTS examination. I am aware that you always encourage new writers, but this is linked to IELTS; Where you could be a great help to increase my band. Thank you very much.
July 29, 2014
Sudeep, you have a wonderfully written essay. You have a great insight into all aspects of the role of prisons. I wish you well.
July 29, 2014
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