Toefl independent essay #1 It is more important to keep your old friends than is to make new friends? Many people believe that we should keep our old friends forever. However, it is my opinion that

MULY

Toefl independent essay #1 It is more important to keep your old friends than is to make new friends? Many people believe that we should keep our old friends forever. However, it is my opinion that it is more important to make new friends than to keep the old friends. I think that people tend to change during their live; therefore they have to change their friends. Moreover, it is enjoyable to meet new interesting people. First, I think that people are changing all the time. They change the kind of food they like, the music they ear and the type of books they read. Why could not they change their friends? For example, I grow up with some boy and we were the best friends. During the years, the things that interest us were change. He liked to smoke and watch TV, while I preferred to read books and listen to old music. After couple of years we stop our relationship because both of us did not enjoy being together. In the last years I found new friends that more interest me than my old friend. I believe that it is important to change our friends from time to time. Moreover, I think that it is enjoyable to meet new friends. People that never make new friends lose the experience of meeting new people. When you meet new person, you listen to new thoughts and new ideas and you can challenge the way you use to think. The majority of my friends today are people that I mate in the last years, and the conversations with them pleaser me. On the other hand, People who stay with their old group many years lose the exiting experience of knowing new person. In conclusion, I think that it is very important to make new friends. It is crucial because we are changing and it is also enjoyable.

Jul 29, 2014 6:09 PM

Corrections · 6

See notes at the end, referenced by curly braces {}:

[Which] is more important[:] to keep your old friends [or] to make new [ones {See 1}?]

Many people believe that we should keep our old friends [forever. But I think that making {2,3}] new [friends is better] than [keeping] the old [ones. {4} P]eople tend to change during their [lives, so {5} their friends also tend] to [change. Moreover, meeting {2}] new interesting [people is enjoyable {3}.]

[Clearly, we all evolve over] time {6}. [Our taste in] food [changes, we listen to new types of] music[, and we re]ad [new] type[s] of [books.] Why [can’t we also] change [our] friends? [] For example, I gr[e]w up with [a] boy and we [were] best friends. During the [years, our] interests change[d]. He liked to smoke and watch TV, while I preferred to read books and listen to old music. After [a] couple of [years,] our [relationship ended,] because [neither {7}] of [us enjoyed] being together. In [recent] years[,] I found new friends [that interest me more {8}] than my old friend. [ Why should] I [preserve a friendship] that i[s no]t [satisfying in place of vibrant new relationships?{9}]

[Also, making] new friends [is fun!] People that never make new [friends are missing out.] When you meet [someo]ne [new,] you [hear] new thoughts [and] ideas[,] and [you] challenge the way [you] think. The majority of my friends today are people that I [met] in [recent] years, and [our] conversations [give me] pleas[u]re. [{5} But p]eople who [stick] with their old [circles] lose the ex[c]iting experience of [befriending others {6}.]

In [short, making] new friends is [crucial, both] because we [ourselves] chang[e] and [for the pleasure and growth from new acquaintances {6}.]

Here is what I removed:
<It> is more important to keep your old friends <than is> to make new <friends?>

Many people believe that we should keep our old friends <forever. However, it is my opinion that it is more important to make> new <friends> than <to keep> the old <friends. I think that p>eople tend to change during their <live; therefore they have> to <change their friends. Moreover, it is enjoyable to meet> new interesting <people.>

<First, I think that people are changing all the> time. <They change the kind of> food <they like, the> music <they ear> a<n>d <the> type of <books they read.> Why <could not they> change <their> friends? For example, I gr<o>w up with <some> boy and we <were the> best friends. During the <years, the things that> interest s <were> change. He liked to smoke and watch TV, while I preferred to read books and listen to old music. After couple of <years we stop> our <relationship> because <both> of <us did not enjoy> being together. In <the last> years I found new friends <that more interest me> than my old friend. I <believe> that it <is important to change our friends from time to time.>

<Moreover, I think that it is enjoyable to meet> new friends<.> People that never make new <friends lose the experience of meeting new people.> When you meet ne<w person,> you <listen to> new thoughts <and new> ideas and <you can> challenge the way <you use to> think. The majority of my friends today are people that I <mate> in <the last> years, and <the> conversations <with them> pleas<e>r <m>e. <On the other hand, P>eople who <stay> with their old <group many years> lose the exiting experience of <knowing new person.>

In <conclusion, I think that it is very important to make> new friends<. It> is <crucial> because we <are> cha<ngi>ng and <it is also enjoyable.>

Notes:

{1} Style issue: usually in English a preposition replaces a second instance of something referenced.

{2} A gerund form “---ing” is used when a verb is used as a noun (a subject or object).

{3} Style issue: try to use active verb forms “Ploney does” rather than passive ones “it is done”.

{4} Style issue: better not to use subjective language such as “I believe” more than necessary. For a fairly accepted fact, a direct statement is more convincing.

{5} Style issue: heavy connecting phrases, especially with semicolons (e.g. “--; therefore,--“) are less popular today even in formal writing. They can be impactful, but with minimal usage.

{6} Style issue: avoid repeating whole phrases, such as “I think that people are changing/tend to change”. They are unpleasant to read, and are a lost opportunity: every time you repeat yourself, you miss a chance to restate yourself in a way that evokes new understanding or significance.
{7} “Neither” is used for negation, whereas “both” is only used for positive statements.

{8} Adverbs come after verbs in English.

{9} A summary sentence is not necessary in every paragraph. Sometimes it’s useful, but only if it advances the reader in the direction you want (for instance, amplifying a point or urging someone to do something).

August 1, 2014

Toefl independent essay #1

(Is it) It is more important to keep your old friends than is to make new friends?

Many people believe that we should keep our old friends forever. However, it is my opinion that it is more important to make new friends than to keep the old friends. I think that people tend to change during their lives; therefore they have to change their friends. Moreover, it is enjoyable to meet new and interesting people.

First, I think that people are changing all the time. They change the kind of food they like, the music they hear and the type of books they read. Why could not they change their friends? For example, I grow up with some a boy and we were the best of friends. (As time passed) During the years, the things that interested us were would change. He liked to smoke and watch TV, while I preferred to read books and listen to old music. After couple of years we stopped (/ended) our relationship (/friendship) because both of us did not (neither of us) enjoyed being together (/spending time together). In the last (few) years (/in recent years) I (have) found new friends that more interest me more than my old friend. I believe that it is important to change our friends from time to time.

Moreover, I think that it is enjoyable to meet new friends. People that never make new friends lose the experience of meeting new people. When you meet a new person, you listen to new thoughts and new ideas and you can challenge the way you are used to thinking. The majority of my friends today are people that I mate (met) in the last (few) years, and the conversations with them pleaserd me. On the other hand, Ppeople who stay with their old group for many years lose the exciting experience of knowing a new person.

In conclusion, I think that it is very important to make new friends. It is crucial because we are changing and it is also enjoyable.

July 29, 2014

Toefl independent essay #1

It is Is it more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends?

Many people believe that we should keep our old friends forever. However, it is my opinion that it is more important to make new friends than to keep the old friends. I think that people tend to change during their lives - therefore they have to change their friends. Moreover, it is enjoyable to meet new interesting people.

First of all, I think that people are changing all the time. They change the kind of food they like, the music they listen to ear and the type of books they read. Why can't they could not they change their friends? For Here is an example - I grow up with a some boy and we were the best friends. During the As the years (went by)/past, the things that interested us were changed. He liked to smoke and watch TV, while I preferred to read books and listen to old music. After couple of years, we stop our relationship because both of us did not enjoy being together. In the last few years, I have found new friends that more interest me more than my old friends. I believe that it is important to change our friends from time to time.

Moreover, I think that it is enjoyable to meet new friends. People that never make new friends lose the experience of meeting new people. When you meet new person, you listen to new thoughts and new ideas and you can challenge the way you used to think. The majority of my friends today are people that I met mate in the past few last years and the conversations I have with them pleaser me. On the other hand, people who stay with their old group for many years lose the exiting experience of getting to know knowing new person.

In conclusion, I think that it is very important to make new friends. It is crucial because we are changing and it is also enjoyable.