People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. This is a sample TOEFl essay, and I will try to make a text about this subject. In our life, we don't make only things we enjoy doing

Thamyres

People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. This is a sample TOEFl essay, and I will try to make a text about this subject. In our life, we don't make only things we enjoy doing. We born, grow and die doing things who we don't like, but is necessary to our survive. When a couple have a baby, they have to take care of the baby, this is fantastic and enjoyable. But at night the baby needs a attention, and the parents have to get up to help the necessities of the baby. When we go to school, we study diciplines that we don't like, but is essential to us to know something about the history, math, science, although this person never will be to use science, for example. We have grown and have worked in place that we have not like. But it is necessary. Without this employment, the person doesn't have money to survive, because these days everything needs money. In conclusion, people should sometimes do things that they don't enjoy doing, because it is important to their lifes.

Jul 29, 2014 11:14 PM

Corrections · 2

People should sometimes do things that they do not enjoy doing. (Perfect!)

This is a sample TOEFL essay, and I will try to write some make a text about this subject. ("Text" is uncountable; see http://www.englishclub.com/grammar/nouns-un-countable_2.htm for a great article. you can say "a lot of text" or "some text", but you wouldn't say "a text", regarding a paragraph, for example (vs. a textbook).

In our life, we don't make only do things we enjoy doing. We are born, we grow, and we die after doing things that who we don't like, but which are is necessary for to our survival. (1. Note "to be born" and not "to born". 2. I'd write "we die after doing things we don't like". It'd be too bad if we died while doing something we don't like to do! 3. Note "survival" (noun) and "to survive" (verb).)
When a couple has a baby, they have to take care of the baby; this is fantastic and enjoyable. (Even though a couple represents two people, "couple" is singular. Note the semi-colon after "baby" to split the two complete sentences.)

But at night the baby needs a attention, and the parents have to get up to help with the necessities of the baby. ("Attention" is another uncountable noun; you can say "a little attention" or "a lot of attention" but not "an attention". You can also say "...to get up to take care of the baby's needs.")
When we go to school, we study disciplines that we don't like, but it is essential to us to know something about the history, math, and science, although we may this person never will be to use science, for example. (1. Note "it is essential": "It" isn't used in the equivalent Portuguese, but it's required in English. 2. History, math and science are all uncountable in this context. When you refer to an uncountable noun in a general sense, leave out the definite article; otherwise, use "the". Example: "Math is very useful." (general sense) "The math I learned in grade school is very useful now." (specific sense))
We have grown and have worked in places that we have not liked. (You can also say "...where we haven't enjoyed as places of employment.")

But it is necessary. (Perfect!)

Without this employment, a the person doesn't have money to survive, because these days everything needs money. (You don't refer to a specific person, so I'd use "a person". I'd say "these days, you have to pay for (just about) everything" or "...these days, nothing is free.")

In conclusion, people should sometimes do things that they don't enjoy doing, because it is important to their lives. (Great! Note the irregular plural of "life".)

Great essay! You used a lot of detail and your writing was organized.

July 30, 2014

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