IELTS writing task 2 answer (17) (is longer imprisonment the best way to reduce crime) Question: "Some people think the best way of reducing crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however,

Isabella P

IELTS writing task 2 answer (17) (is longer imprisonment the best way to reduce crime) Question: "Some people think the best way of reducing crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, think there are other better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. (sic)" Answer: Whether criminals should be given longer imprisonment has triggered a controversy. Although I acknowledge that for some offenders stiff sentences are necessary, I would argue that other correctional methods should be adopted in order to curb crime rate. It is true that for habitual criminals and those who commit serious crimes, a harsh sentence like life imprisonment is reasonable and can help reduce crime. Imprisonment means a loss of freedom, which has an impact on prisoners’ future lives, a consequence that no rational people are willing to take. This has a deterrent effect on prospective offenders, and the loss of freedom itself serves the purpose of excluding criminals from society. This is considered beneficial to social stability. On the other hand, we cannot overlook the impact of imprisonment on juvenile offenders or first-time offenders, the best approach to deal with whom should be rehabilitation instead of retribution. These people may break the law due to insufficient social experience or lack of life skills to survive. They may not be incorrigible. By receiving vocational training, they can become law-abiding citizens and understand how to use non-violent means to solve problems in life. In my opinion, an efficient way to alleviate crime is education popularization. We should indeed punish criminals to some extent, but more importantly we should be tough on the cause of crime. It will not wipe out offenses building more prisons, we should put the money instead into supporting deprived areas which are the breeding grounds for crime. When one is imparted adequate job skills and legal knowledge, the possibility of his/her offending will be low. In conclusion, law enforcement agencies should consider the nature of different crime in order to give reasonable sentences. Furthermore, dealing with the source of crime instead of punishing criminals after harm is done would be more efficient.

Jul 30, 2014 8:20 AM

Corrections · 3

Why was <em>(sic)</em> in the question?

Whether criminals should be given longer prison sentences has triggered a controversy is a controversial issue. Although I acknowledge that for some offenders stiff sentences are necessary, I would argue that other correctional methods should be adopted in order to curb crime rate.

I'm suspicious that someone had told you that "has triggered a controversy" is a good phrase to use. Unfortunately, it just looks awkward to me. It also makes your sentence false.

It is true that for habitual criminals and those who commit serious crimes, a harsh sentence such as life imprisonment is reasonable and can help reduce crime. Imprisonment means a loss of freedom, which has an impact on prisoners’ future lives - a consequence that no rational person is willing to take responsibility for. This has a deterrent effect on prospective offenders, and the loss of freedom itself serves the purpose of excluding criminals from society. This is considered beneficial to social stability.

I think this paragraph would benefit from some modals to shape the argument. Using simple verb forms is actually hobbling the point you are trying to make. It also makes you look like you are in strong favour of incarceration.

On the other hand, we cannot overlook the impact of imprisonment on juvenile offenders or first-time offenders. The best approach to deal with them should be rehabilitation instead of retribution. These people may break the law due to insufficient social experience or lack of life skills to survive. They may not be incorrigible (pick a better word). By receiving vocational training, they can become law-abiding citizens and understand how to use non-criminal means to solve their problems in life.

In my opinion, an efficient way to alleviate crime is better education popularization. We should indeed punish criminals to some extent, but more importantly we should be tough on the cause of crime. Building more prisons will not wipe out offenses; we should put the money instead into supporting impoverished areas, which are the breeding grounds for crime. When one is imparted adequate job skills and legal knowledge, the possibility of him/her offending will be low.

In conclusion, law enforcement agencies should consider the nature of different crimes in order to give reasonable sentences. Furthermore, dealing with the source of crime instead of punishing criminals after the harm is done would be more efficient.

Your vocabulary is really quite good, but the grammar often trips you up or you resort to simplified structures. Sometimes you o'erleap yourself, and the sentence ends up badly-written. It's not enough to use an academic-sounding word; it must fit the context. It seems that relative clauses and compound sentences give you trouble - I'd focus on them.

July 30, 2014