Tiffany
My Story Of Today Hello. Let me write my story of today. I got up in late, because I was sleep at dawn. After wash my face and hair, I had a breakfast with my parents. And then I went out with my father nearly at noon. The weather was like in the fire. We went to after service center first to repair my cell phone with a touch trouble since February. There are a lot of people because of the holiday season. So we had to wait our turn almost an hour. But we didn't mind because there was cool. And we went to the bowling alley, had three games. My father hasn't done that for a long time, I did that in my first. The more we played, the higher score we maked. But in the end, he won three falls out of three. (Is this the common expression?) My dad and I came back our home, ate dinner together. I fell asleep after dinner, I'm now writing this. So this one became the story of yesterday. I wish my english can be natural and smooth. Help me, please.
Jul 31, 2014 7:08 PM
Corrections · 5
1

My Story Of Today

Hello. Let me write my story of today.
I got up in late, because I was sleep fell asleep at dawn.
After wash washing my face and hair, I had a breakfast with my parents.,
and then I went out with my father nearly at around noon. (A new sentence never starts with "and". When using "and", write a comma before it instead of a period)
The weather was like in the fire. It was really hot outside.

First, we went to after a service center first to repair have my cell phone repaired, with a touch which had been having some trouble since February. (Very complicated sentence structure!)
There are were a lot of people there because of the holiday season.,
so we had to wait for our turn for almost an hour. (Same rule goes for "so" as for "and": use a comma)
But However, we didn't mind because there it was cool there. (Again, same rule for "but". All these words are 'connecting words' who connect one sentence to the other. Since these are a lot of sentences to connect, I used a different word than "but")
And Afterwards we went to the bowling alley, and had played three games.
My father hasn't done that for a long time, I did that in my first. (What do you mean by the second part of the sentence?)
The more we played, the higher score we maked our scores got.
But in the end, he won three falls out of three. (Is this the common expression?) (This doesn't seem right to me, however, I'm not an expert on bowling)

My dad and I came back our home, and ate dinner together.
I fell asleep after dinner, so I'm now writing this now.
So this one became the story of yesterday. This means it is actually the story of my day yesterday.

I wish want my english can to be natural and smooth. Help me, please.

July 31, 2014
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