Equilibrium There was a man who wanted to release the humanity from suffering. He started his work from ascesis. He got to he point where he only ate one grain of rice a day. He bacame very weak. One

Kasia

Equilibrium There was a man who wanted to release the humanity from suffering. He started his work from ascesis. He got to he point where he only ate one grain of rice a day. He bacame very weak. One day he was laying on the grass nearby a river being very thirsty. But he was so weak he wasn't able to get to the water to drink it. There was a woman passing by who brought some water for him. He drunk it and suddenly he saw a man and a little boy on a boat in the middle of the river. The man was teaching the boy how to play a musical instrument which had strings. At some point one of the strings broke. The teacher explained to his student that strings have to be always adjusted properly; if you pull them too strongly, they will break; if you pull them too tenuously, they will simply not give you the desired sound. The man who almost starved himself to death understood his lesson. In life you have to try to stay in balance, don't be lazy but also don't go too hard on yourself.

Aug 21, 2014 9:32 PM

Corrections · 3

Equilibrium

There was a man who wanted to release the humanity from suffering achieve peace in his life. He started his work from toward ascesis. He got to he the point where he only ate one grain of rice a day. He bacame very weak. One day he was laying on the grass nearby near a river being feeling very thirsty. But he was so weak that he wasn't able to get to the water to drink it. There was a woman passing by who brought some water for to him. He drunk it and suddenly he saw a man and a little boy on a boat in the middle of the river. The man was teaching the boy how to play a musical instrument which had strings. At some point one of the strings broke. The teacher explained to his student that strings have to always be always adjusted properly; if you pull them too strongly, they will break; if you pull them too tenuously weakly, they will simply not give you the desired sound.
The man who almost starved himself to death understood his the lesson. In life you have to try to stay in balance, don't be lazy but also don't go be too hard on yourself.

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Your English is very good, and this is an interesting story. But the woman is not necessary to the story, in fact her presence makes the story weaker. Without the woman, the man would be near the end of his life, and the teacher's story of balance would be a life-or-death lesson. With the woman, it is not important to find balance in your life if there are kind people to help you. Anyway, I am not telling you how to write the story--it is a very good story--only that I did pause to think about your story.

August 22, 2014