Charnita
Please help correct my sentence. Thanks Mr. X asked me to prepare the Accounts department computer names. I checked your computer name on notes. It shows so many computer names. Which computer you are using currently? Please confirm.
Aug 22, 2014 2:17 AM
Corrections · 3
1

Your composition is not bad at all.  Your spelling and punctuation is very good.  Well done!  However, the first sentence is a little difficult for a native English speaker to understand.

 

First, you have many nouns following each other:  "Accounts department computer names." 

 

A native English speaker would rearrange this phrase to read:  "the names of computers in the Accounts department." 

 

Second, you have said that you have been asked to "prepare" something. Here is the structure of your first sentence:

 I have been asked to prepare __________. 

 

What have you been asked to prepare? You then describe computer names. Therefore, my understanding is that you are preparing computer names. But this is not your meaning. Your meaning is that you are preparing a list of computer names.  Therefore, your sentence should start like this:

 I have been asked to prepare a list of __________. 

 

Let's combine the first two points in to a new sentence:

Before:  Mr. X asked me to prepare the Accounts department computer names. 

Now:  Mr. X asked me to prepare a list of the names of computers in the Accounts department. 

 

This sentence is closer to your meaning, but it is still hard to read.  There are still too many related nouns. 

 

Now that we know that you are preparing a list of computers, you can simply say "the computers".  You do not need to say "the names of computers".  Let's update your sentence again:

Before:  Mr. X asked me to prepare the Accounts department computer names. 
Now:  Mr. X asked me to prepare a list of the computers in the Accounts department. 

 

Finally, this sentence is using a verb phrase "prepare a list of" where "list" is a noun.  However, in English we can also use "list" as a verb.  Let's update your sentence again:

Before:  Mr. X asked me to prepare the Accounts department computer names. 
Now:  Mr. X asked me to list the computers in the Accounts department. 

 

This final sentence is what a native English speaker would say.  (At least, in my opinion.)

 

Sorry for the long reply.  However, I hope it is a little more helpful than just seeing a corrected composition.

August 22, 2014
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