Kavara
秋香 (继续练习写诗) 霜风落雁镜悬湖, 心若孤舟不知途。 金叶飘落微波浮, 镜湖水月相对出。
Aug 22, 2014 12:11 PM
Corrections · 13
2

秋香 (继续练习写诗)

 

 

One way to write good Classical Chinese poetry is. Line one expresses a theme. Line 2: continuation of the theme. Line three starts off with another topic. Fourth line ties everything together. So you need to

switch your lines two and three.  So I suggest the following.  Great impetus to improve your Chinese!  This was how I got started too :)

 

霜风落雁镜悬湖, 霜风落雁镜悬湖

心若孤舟不知途。 金叶飘落微波浮

金叶飘落微波浮, 心若孤舟不知途

镜湖水月相对出。 唯有婵娟知我愁 you can substitute 知 with 晓

August 23, 2014
雁落镜悬湖 孤舟不知途 飘叶浮微波 镜湖水月出
January 3, 2015
如果没有理解错,最后两句你正是在间接写心情因美景变佳,但是从情感的强烈程度来看,稍微淡了一点。要更开心一些嘛!:))
September 8, 2014
如果是写心情因景变好,意境更高,最后两句可以升华一下意境,一句写振奋你心情的景,一句写心情的变好。当然也可以通过两句对美景的描写间接表达心情的豁然开朗。 霜风落雁镜悬湖, 心若孤舟不知途。 XXXXXXX, XXXXXXX。
September 8, 2014
对了,还有就是一般先写景,后抒情,把四句顺序重新排一下更好些。 霜风落雁镜悬湖, 镜湖水月相对出。 金叶飘落微波浮, 心若孤舟不知途。
September 8, 2014
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