Yeony
Just some random thouhts When haze collects in the sea, islands float on haze. If someone connects some rope between island to island, it would make nice zip-lines, and riding the zip-lines from one island to other islands must be exciting. I smelled the fragrance of leaves in the cool morning, felt great to drink icy cup of lemonade. On my way from school to home, sunlight settles on hillsides like gold glitters. Viewing the sea, I just thought what it would feel like to become a giant and then sit on those leafy islands. I also imagined about being a jellyfish. Its graceful movements are fascinating but it won't have any worries since it has no brain. It would be nice to have star fish's cloning ability when it's cut in haves as well. And I wanna be a bee and buzz from flowers to flowers. Sometimes I want to make my own air with oxygen like trees doing photosynthesis. If only I could have some some transformation ability into other species.
Aug 28, 2014 8:05 AM
Corrections · 5
1

Just some random thouhts

When haze collects <em>over the</em> sea, islands float on <em>the</em> haze. If someone connects (suggestion: were to <em>string</em>) some rope from island to island, it would make (suggestion: make <em>for</em>) nice zip-lines, and riding the zip-lines from one island to other islands must be exciting.

I smelled (suggestion: <em>took in)</em> the fragrance of leaves in the cool morning. <em>It</em> felt great to drink <em>an</em> icy cup of lemonade (I enjoyed an icy cup of lemonade). On my <em>way home</em> from school, (<em>the)</em> sunlight settles on hillsides like glitters <em>of gold</em>.

<em>Looking at (or contemplating)</em> the sea, I just thought what it would feel like to become a giant and then sit on those leafy islands. I also imagined <em>about</em> (or <em>fantasized</em> about) being a jellyfish. Its graceful movements are fascinating, but it <em>wouldn't</em> have any worries since it has no brain. It would be nice to have <em>a</em> starfish's cloning ability when it's cut in halves as well (or <em>too</em>). And I wanna be a bee and buzz from flower to flower. Sometimes I want to make my own air with oxygen like trees doing photosynthesis (<em>or</em> the way trees do photosynthesis). If only I were able to transform into another species.

 

Reads amazing! The underlined words are just my suggestions.

August 29, 2014
Awesome writing. Another word you could use for haze is fog, that would allow you to use different words for different sentences.
August 28, 2014
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=229K5n_PRJA
August 28, 2014
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