Jeon Mi Jin
Please help my proof reading I listen the English radio every morning, and I played it one more time for studying. In this program, there are three key expressions. Also at the end of program, teacher tell the recapitulation using three key expressions. I challenged recapitulation too, but mine have so many mistakes. So I want your comments. Please help my proof reading~(T_T)! ** Key expression 1. We're no different → I'm no different 2. I gotta make a plan 3. Do you find it hard to ~ Recently, many of university students rest school for six months(= 1 semester) least. They afraid about graduating school before get a job. So they rest school and make more careers like grade of TOEIC, a certificate of MOS and doing internship etc. And I'm no different with them. I rest school from this September, but I'm little afraid because of my future. When I told this to others, they asked to me "Why are you rest school? Do you find it hard to get a job yet?" Well... actually, it's not wrong. But the most reason is I knew that I have to study more. Now I just study English with GMP(English radio program) and italki, but I'm gotta make a great plan soon.
Sep 22, 2014 1:31 PM
Corrections · 4
2

Please help <em>me by </em> proof reading

I listen to the English radio every morning, and I played it one more time for studying replay it to study.
In this program, there are were  three key expressions ideas. Also At the end of program, the teacher tell the recapitulation using three key expressions recapitulates the three key ideas.
I challenged recapitulation too, but mine have so many mistakes. ( <-------------<em> this sentence, I do not understand</em>)
So I want your comments. Please help my proof reading~(T_T)!

** Key expressions    ( <em>you have a list of 3 items - so use the plural expressions.</em>)
1. We're no different → I'm no different
2. I gotta make a plan  - I have to make a plan.
3. Do you find it hard to ~

Recently, many of university students rest  take  a study break from school for at least  six months (= 1 semester) least.
They afraid about graduating school before get a job. So they rest have a break from school and make more careers undertake work experience related activities  like a grade of TOEIC, a certificate of MOS and doing internships, etc.

And I'm no different with  from them. I rest am having a break from school from this September*** , but I'm a little afraid worried  about my future. When I told this to others, they asked    to me "Why are you resting from school? Do you find it hard to get a job yet?"  <em>(Because you have this as a peron's speech, I have only changed it to something similar to an English speaker)</em>. Well... actually, they are  not wrong. But the most primary reason is that I knew that I have to study more.

Now I just study English with GMP(English radio program) and italki, but I'm gotta make a great plan soon I will  have a make a solid plan.

 

 

Notes: I think ideas is a better word than expressions when talking about the content of the radio broadcast.

You are tending to mix past , present and future tense in your writing.

 

In Australia at least, a study break  is known as a gap year or semester -  it is usually a year not 6 months not a year here.

from this September - this is ambiguous. Do you mean that <em>you are having a break during September</em> OR <em>having a break that is starting in September and then ending at some future time</em> ?

 

I have removed some of the additional lines that you had between sentences so that the ideas are assembled into paragraphs of essentially the same core idea.

 

So your essay had the ideas of

. listen to a broadcast about an English language program.

. introduce the ideas about a study break that students are doing

. then say why you are having a break

. conclude with your ideas about studying English and thoughts about your future.

 

I hope that this has been helpful.

 

An idea for you -

write a short essay in Hangul and then how you think that same essay would be written in English. It might help to refine comments that other people on italki might provide if they could see your writing in a language that you are fluent in and also the language that you are learning.

 

 

 

 

 

September 23, 2014
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