Gloria
Could you proofread the following note ( topic is an eudcational field trip) ? Describe an educational trip that you went on when you were in school Where did you go, what school subject did the trip study, who did you meet there, why are the lessons you leaned there so important. During elementary school, I was fortunate enough to go to the zoo on an educational field trip: each group of four students chose an animal to study during the field trip. My group picked the dolphins because our science class had learned a little bit about them in science class today. At that time, I have witnessed children with Down’s syndrome touched and fed or pat the dolphins as a therapy. I asked a trainer why it is helpful for Down’s syndrome. He told me that Dolphine therapy is not a cure but it can help alleviate some symptoms associated with children conditions. I learned to be specific, it leads to better eye contact, smiling, immune system, and improved fine motor skills. This trip also thought me the dolphins are a very intelligent creature and the importance of protecting elephants, as they are facing extinction due to poachers. It was positively the most educational trip I attended while in school.
Oct 24, 2014 9:01 PM
Corrections · 2

Could you proofread the following note ( topic is an eudcational field trip) ?

Describe an educational trip that you went on when you were in school
Where did you go, what school subject did the trip study, who did you meet there,
why are the lessons you leaned there so important.

During elementary school, I was fortunate enough to go to the zoo on an educational field trip. Each group of four students chose an animal to study during the field trip. My group picked the dolphins because our science class had learned a little bit about them in science class today that day. At that time the zoo, I have witnessed children with Down’s syndrome touched and fed
or pat touching, feeding, or patting the dolphins as a therapy. I asked a trainer why it is helpful for Down’s syndrome children. He told me that Dolphine therapy is not a cure but it can help alleviate some symptoms associated with the children's conditions. I learned,  to be specific, that it leads to better eye contact, smiling, immune system, and improved fine motor skills. This trip also thought me the that dolphins are a very intelligent creatures and similar to the importance of protecting elephants, as they are facing extinction due to poachers. It was positively the most educational trip I attended while in school.

 

Your Engish is very good, mostly minor grammatical corrections

picked the dolphins / picked dolphins.  You are talking about all dolphins, but 'the' specifies just a group. 'dolphins are grey, the dolphins at the zoo are funny'

'at the zoo' make it less confusing, because there are 3 'times' here: time of the class, time of the zoo trip, and time that you wrote this notebook

verb tense: 'i witnessed' is in the past, children were 'touching, feeding, or patting'.

Again 'the': 'with children's conditions' is all children; 'with the children's conditions',  using 'the' will specifiy he group of Downs Syndrome children

Singular/plural: dolphins are very intelligent creatures' or you could say 'the dolphin is a very intelligent creature'.  Both describe all  dolphins

I don't think that the discussion of elephants fits here, you are going from intellegence to preservation, you could rewrite that part!

 

 

October 24, 2014
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