Barbara
Dead Alive I seek, I seek but I don't find anything. ¡help me! Who I am?, a soul?, a body?, an spirit? Look at me, look at me and tell me, tell me what you see. God, Where are you?, Now that I'm dead come and talk to me. and explain me why if I know that I'm dead, why do I feel so alive? If I just wanted disappear forever And now that my self awareness run away from me, who I am?, What should I do? Should I surrender myself to what I've always been? Should I dissolved myself into eternity, into the god that I've always looked for.
Oct 24, 2014 9:14 PM
Corrections · 8
1

Dead Alive

I seek, I seek but I don't find anything.
Help me! Who am I? A soul? A body? A spirit?

Look at me. Look at me and tell me, tell me what you see.

God, where are you? Now that I'm dead, come and talk to me 
and explain to me why, if I know that I'm dead, do I feel so alive

if I just wanted to disappear forever

And now that my self-awareness ran away from me, who am I?
What should I do?
Should I surrender myself to what I've always been?
Should I dissolved myself into eternity, into the god that I've always looked for?


Hi Bárbara. This is some powerful writing. I really like it. Just know that commas don't come after question marks. Thank you for sharing.

-Jeff

October 25, 2014
1

Dead Alive

I seek, I seek but I don't find anything. <em>(Ok, here you could be very poetic and drop the "anything" and say: "I seek, I seek but I don't find." The "anything" is sort of implied this way. But what you have is perfect. No necesitas cambiarla.)</em>
Help me! Who am I?, a soul?, a body?, an spirit?

Look at me, look at me and tell me, tell me what you see.

God, where are you? Now that I'm dead come and talk to me.
Explain to me why, if I know that I'm dead, why do I feel so alive?
Maybe I just wanted to disappear forever. 

And now that my self awareness has run away from me, who am I?
What should I do?
Should I surrender myself to what I've always been?
Should I dissolved myself into eternity, into the god that I've always looked for?

October 25, 2014
1

I seek

I seek but find <em>nothing</em> 

Help me

Who <em>am I</em>

 

Soul

Body

Spirit

Look at me

 

Look at me and tell me

Tell me what you see

Where are you, God

Now that I'm dead

 

Come and talk to me and explain

If I know I'm dead

Why do I feel so alive

I wanted <em>to </em>disappear 

 

Self-awareness

Run from me

Who<em> am I</em> 

What should I do

 

Surrender to what <em>I am</em>

Dissolve into eternity

Into the God

I've <em>searched</em> for

<em>Bueno. He cambiado sus versos un poco pequeña. Quería mostrar otra manera de redactar la poesía. Con la escritura creativa no necesitamos puntuacion porque mostramos la historia - no decimos la historia. Espero que entiendan mi pobre español. Gracias.</em>

October 25, 2014
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