Am I The Only Italki Member Who Is A Failure In Life?

When I browse through all the profiles of Italki members I feel so down. They all rate their Chinese on an expert level, it seems they never make mistakes, they were or are already in China and it seems they always have just fun, victory and success on an open end scale.

When I look at me, I’ve done my vocational education in 2009. After that I was workless. Then I worked every day 12 hour shifts every day in an office for 1.5 years. I had no time for anything. I just lived for the job. After that I was workless until I started to work in temporary employment for the 2nd half of 2012. The work was hard, I received a horrible wage and I had no time as well. Plus, they all treat you like dirt because you are just a whole filler for some time. I have been kicked out in Dezember 2012.

After that I was workless again, started to work in an official office in July 2013 and worked there for one whole year. Since July 2014 I'm at home again. I was just able to apply a Chinese class in an adult evening school from September 2013 until July 2014. I finished it but the school does not offer more. Just like on all the other years I'm alone and workless again.

It seems that my life is always just the same routine: Job - Workless - Job - Workless and so on. Is this everything? I'm not a lazy person and in my latest job I stood up at 3 AM in the morning and started to work on 5:30 AM until 14:00 PM. And at the same time it seems that all the other Italki users here explore new countries, have fun on the whole earth and are always happy. What am I? A punching ball? I was not even able to ever make a vacation alone and on myself. All of my vacations outside of Berlin I had to spent with my parents.

When I work, I have no time for anything and I'm just like a machine. When I'm workless, I lack the money to do much with my free time. It is horrible. I started in Italki, when I was learning Chinese in a private school and when I was still in my vocational education. Now, after over 6 years it seems I have not achieved anything good, while all other people here are the greatest, unfailable and everybody likes them.

I’ve done nothing wrong. I had to learn, I had to work hard and I was never a lazy person at all. Sure, I have my mistakes but this is normal. But why I have achieved nothing, while everybody else here seems to be perfect?

I'm listening to this song now. It fits well to what I feel while writing this.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xews8_blue-oyster-cult_

workless = unemployed

Sit down, have a beer and cheer up.  Stop comparing yourself to others and their achievements.

I love your entries. They make me feel better with myself :)

And I'm totally agree with you, everybody here seems successful. hahah :)

Am I The Only Italki Member Who Is A Failure In Life?

<em>You made this notebook a little too long - it will exceed the limit of about 2000 characters - so I'll mark it in two tranches.</em>

When I browse through all the profiles of Italki members I feel so down. They all rate their Chinese on an expert level,<em> (no they don't, you're being a little paranoid I think!)</em> it seems they never make mistakes, they were have already been or are already now in China, and it seems they always have just nothing but fun, victory and success on an unprecedented  open ended scale <em>(strange choice of phrase)</em>.

When I look at myself - I’ve done I completed my vocational education in 2009, and after that I was workless/jobless for a while. Then I worked every day 12 hour shifts every day in an office for 18 months 1.5 years. I had no time for anything, I just lived for the job. After that and then I was workless out of work again until I started to work in temporary employment for the 2nd half of 2012. The work was hard, I received a horrible dreadfully low wage and I had no time as well - plus, they all treat you like dirt because you are just a whole filling in for a while some time. I have been was kicked out in December 2012.

After that I was workless out of a job yet again, but started to working in an official a government(?) office in July 2013 and worked there for one whole year. Since July 2014 I'm back at home again. I was just able to apply for a course in Chinese class in an adult evening school from September 2013 until July 2014. I finished it but the school does not offer any more. Just like on all the other years I'm alone and workless unemployed again. 

Am I The Only Italki Member Who Is A Failure In Life?

When I browse through all the profiles of Italki members I feel discouraged. Those who study Chinese have setted their level as experts; it seems like they dont make any mistakes and have visited or already settled in China. 

In 2009, after completing a vocational education I was jobless. But once I found an office related job I worked a twelve hour shifts everyday for one and half year. I had no time for anything else, I felt like I was living only for that job.

Unfortunately I was unemployed yet again after my office job. I found another temporary employment for the second half of 2012. For the work that I have done, the wage was unfair.  Just like my previous job I had no time for my personal life. Whats worse is that my employers didnt treat me with any respect. I was fired in December 2012. 

Although I have lost that job I found an offical office job in 2013 and since July 2014 I am at home. I was able to apply for a Chinese class from September 2013 until July 2014. I have completed the class but I cant continue since the school didnt offered more. Just like all the other years I'm alone and jobless again. 

It seems like my life is based on the matter of having a job or being unemployed. I am not a lazy person but comparing to the other Italki users, they have explored new countries and are having fun. What am I? A punching bag?  I was not able to go on a vacation by myself. All my vacations outside of Berlin I had to spent with my parents. 

When Im at work, I have no time for anything else and I work like a machine. When I am jobless, I am lacking on money and have time to spare. It is horrible. I started Italki, when I was learning Chinese in a private school and when I was still in my vocational education. Now, after over 6 years it seems like I have not achieved anything valuable, while others are the greatest, unfailable and everybody likes them.

I’ve done nothing wrong. I had to learn, I had to work hard and I was never a lazy person. Sure I have made mistakes but its normal. But why havent I achieved anything?

I'm listening to this song now. It fits well to what I feel while I write this.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xews8_blue-oyster-cult_