Mumtaz
Community Tutor
My East And Their West When east and west are compared, there’s no right or wrong, yet a huge gap and we hardly agree, Their beauty is measured as weather temperatures, while ours is felt before it’s touched or seen, Our charm is in our modesty and in what we cover, while theirs is mostly in what they reveal, We fast to cool down and feel better, while they go for a night out to dance and to grab a beer, They find comfort in listening to melodies, while the call for prayer sounds like music to our ears, Our wealth is in our heritage and goodwill, while their asset is found in their practical dreams, Their happiness is in material things, while ours is in spirituality and in increasing our good deeds, Our pride is to maintain our dignity, while theirs is in creating conflicts every where to make them appeal!
Nov 15, 2014 7:13 AM
Corrections · 24
2

My East And Their West

When east and west are compared, there’s no right or wrong, yet a huge gap and we hardly agree,
Their beauty is measured as weather temperatures, while ours is felt before it’s touched or seen,
Our charm is in our modesty and in what we cover, while theirs is mostly in what they reveal,
We fast to cool down and feel better, while they go for a night out to dance and to grab a beer,
They find comfort in listening to melodies, while the call for prayer sounds like music to our ears,
Our wealth is in our heritage and goodwill, while their asset is found in their practical dreams,
Their happiness is in material things, while ours is in spirituality and in increasing our good deeds,
Our pride is to maintain our dignity, while theirs is in creating conflicts every where to make them appeal!

 

Mumtaz,

As someone who writes poetry occassionally I wanted to offer a couple of suggestions.  By the way, your writing is definitely poetic and very beautiful and moving.  I am trying to catch up on all your writings.

 

the sentence, "yet a huge gap" appears to be missing something.  A couple of suggestions adding a word like appears or exists at the end or yet there is a huge gap or a huge gap is there

 

The last sentence might be changed to...make them more appealing! or to make them look more brilliant or brilliantly!

 

When I write poetry I pretty much throw out grammar rules and even poetic rules.  Just wanted to offer my suggestions.

 

 

Keep up the wonderful writing and thanks for sharing it with us.

November 15, 2014
@Oscar: very kind of you and I love your new name, It reminds me of an animated cartoon I used to watch in my childhood about a very beautiful lady called (Oscar) :) Yes, I wrote it and I'm still in my beginnings, therefore I still don't call it poetry;) One bad comment won't ever break my wings, and I do feel people through their vibes when they write me & I tell them exactly what they deserve:) On the other hand I got other sweet comments from you, Jeffrey, Huda, Sergey & Arwa that seem understanding and they mean a lot to me. They actually inspire me to write more. I know that (Athan Clock) you're talking about, my foreigner friends use it at their homes because they can't hear a real athan from Masjids around them, I'm glad you like it:) Of course it's ok to share, I listened & this is exactly the music for my soul Oscar. Thank you very much, your comment means a lot to me(,") -------------,'-(@
November 23, 2014
if it's ok i can share this with u,coz i love it& i don't get back 2 normal after i hear such a prayer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLctLGheEuM
November 23, 2014
So lovely& i so love this poem.u write this?or just sharing?the sound of prayers in here remind me of something very sweet.i'm not muslim but i lived with arabic muslim family 4 2 months& i only left their house in this november.it's long story but in their house,there is this o'clock that gives this call for prayer 5 times everyday& the family pray 2gether.first time i was there i didn't understand this is prayer call,i thought it's just a song,but i felt strang feeling in my heart deepness& my tears fill my eyes&i can't speak.i didn't understand why i felt like that&i asked them about it& they told me. they give me this o'clock 2 when i went 2 my own house coz i become i fall in love with that voice,like angles. keep smiling coz ur smile is very beautiful& don't care much 4 bad comments,they tell u it's normal& they don't mean 2 hurt,but some will lie& put poison in honey 2 give thier opinion in undirect method.i did that many times coz i was mean be4& now i even look better after i stop judging others 4 being diffent than me.ur east is heaven,stay proud.
November 23, 2014
@♥W♥: I wrote that entry dear and I'm an Eastern girl and proud of it:) It sounded for YOU and not me that the East got the inferiority complex because this is how your mind is set and it's not my problem, my words were clear:) this is the simple East as I know it and I'm neither implying this is the whole East, nor this is the whole west, otherwise I would have wrote it as a discussion. You're entitled to your own opinion and I'm entitled to mine, my entries are not to please you or to write what you think, I simply didn't ask for your opinion:) You don't like it, then be my guest and write your own entry and see if I'll ever bother to read it. Have a good day dear (,")
November 23, 2014
Show more
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!